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Focus52 week 5

2012-02-09T14:51:00.000-05:00

This week's focus52 prompt is Still Life

Almost immediately I knew what I was going to use. Things I have either from or that remind me of my grandparents. Specifically my mom's parents.

Yes they had their issues- find me some with out any, and you'll find yourself a liar- but they are so awesome and such wonderful examples.

My grandma has become the family matriarch and wears it well- with dignity and grace.

When Grandpa Z died - we all knew it was coming as he was on his death bed and everyone knew it was the end.
Still though, the hurt our family took from that was tremendous. We will always miss him, and we are so grateful for his influence.

Grandma Z- is crazy, in her own wonderful way. My ocd tendencies come from my mother, who got them from her mother, who I'm sure got them from her parents....
But she's an amazing woman who's gone through quite a bit. It's the little things I hold close. Like the smell of her house. The smell of the best food you've ever had, cleanliness, and freshness. How incredibly soft her hands are. Her ushering us out to the backyard as soon as we walked in the front door. Her ability to make a bed better than anyone on the planet (you haven't slept until you've slept in a properly made bed). Her yelling at us to get out of the flowers. And bringing cutting up guavas for us to eat. The certain shade of pea green that will always be known as Grandma Zanone green.

Grandpa Z- was just awesome. Again- it's the little things. How he'd sit quietly and observe, and when he did say something it was hysterically funny. This barking type noise he'd make as you'd walk passed him. The sound of a tennis game in the background as you were being shuffled to the backyard. The harmonica. His love of food and desire for his children and grandchildren to try new and wonderful things. How he knew I was one of the few who loved the way he cured olives and would give me one whenever I came over. His bow legged little walk coming up the stairs, his hands full of guavas to had to grandma Z to cut for us.

So I knew when I read this week's prompt that I'd have to gather up all the things from, and that remind me of my grandparents:

These are 2 sweaters grandma Z knitting for Paul and Teddy. Now, she used to knit all the time and then as she aged it turned into one family member (mind you we have a large family (you know, my mom came from 8, had 8 herself. Her brothers and sisters each had large families...) - so it turned into one family member would get "the slippers." And then she stopped knitting it seemed all together.

Until a few Christmases ago when Stephen and I got a box in the mail from her. Inside we found 2 hand knit sweaters from Grandma Z. It was so wonderful and precious- I'll keep thees near and dear forever.

So here's a hodge podge o' stuff.

The peacock feather- for some reason I always remember, on a shelf in a room we never normally went into was a vase of peacock feathers. And I loved those. I love peacocks. I even love the weird noises they make.

The yellow bird- my grandma always had these little glass birds. Not many. But enough to be a memory.

The black bird- reminds me of a Picasso painting. Which reminds me of the art she has on her walls.

The small soaps- seriously you cannot find small, shaped soaps anywhere! At least I can't. But they were always there, for "guests"

The sea shell- this was actually given to me from Grandma Z when I was about 4. I was sitting there just staring at it, fascinated, for the longest time, and she gave it to me. I've had it ever since.

And, of course, a photo of Grandpa Z- next to sausage links. Very fitting.

See more photos on my Flickr page

This week's Focus52

2012-02-01T16:41:00.002-05:00

This week'sFocus52 prompt is Cold.

Really? Cold. Sure. I mean it's February it makes total sense to do "Cold."

Except it's been in the high 50s, early 60s and will be all this week. Don't get me wrong this CA girl/omg I'm dying when it's 40 outside/brrrr gal is all for this weather. I love it and am sooo happy it's not snowing. But some nice snowy photos would've been nice. So I did the best I could with what I had.
Ok, yes, I could've fudged it a bit. You know, put on my gloves, made some hot cocoa and just *pretended* it was bitterly cold out. But have you tried making hot cocoa with kids in the house? If I wanted to say "No you can't have any hot cocoa" 17 million times you would be seeing that photo below ;-)

There you have it. Brrr... Cold.

Focus52 week 2

2012-01-12T15:05:00.000-05:00

This week's Focus52 theme is I am _____
Ok so it shouldn't be that difficult. Think of a word, take a self portrait and upload it. Ho Hum.
But that's boring.
I also didn't want to just think of a word then make some photo of something random fit. So it took me forever.

First I had to think of what to fill the blank in with.
I mean who can think of just one word or one phrase? Hell I'm thinking that I should go back and have it be I Am Annoyed With This Week. Heh.

But while checking out at Target it dawned on me. What am I more than anything lately?

I am trying

Some days I need to try really really hard and other days I need to just try a bit. But I am trying every day. Lets face it- I'm trying every moment.

I am plagued with the genetic burden of anger issues, self doubt, impatience and the frustrating desire not to pass it on to my kids.

So every day I try to keep all those issues at bay.

(side note- shut up I know the photo doesn't make any sense to the word/theme but dang it nothing else was cooperating! :))

Project 52

2012-01-05T20:06:00.003-05:00

I know I haven't blogged in forever.
I'm not going to apologize or start whining- let's just jump back in shall we?

Over at Two Scoopz Project 52 is started up again! YAY! And since I've missed all the others being a slacker I am determined to keep up.

This week the theme is New:

This is my little rough sketch for our new, and much more organized, basement layout.

The main piece? The center piece? The gaming table. No- not some pool / foosball type table.

A gaming table. A dice rolling table.

Why SAHMs aren't stupid

2011-09-01T14:30:00.002-04:00

Look I don't know about you but society tends to make rude and snide comments about SAHMs. Mainly that we're simpletons who don't have any higher aspirations that wiping poopy asses all day. As though you getting a degree and a job outside the house makes you better than me.
Oh sure, you're probably better than me in some ways, but your choice to work vs. my choice to stay at home is not one of them.

Look, I'm not stupid. Now I'm just speaking for myself now and if you're a SAHM who can relate, awesome- but right now I'm talking about meh.

So I'm no dummy. Lazy yes- I did terrible in school cause I had it in my dumbass highschool undeveloped brain that I was just gonna continue on with the acting thing for, well, ever.
Obviously my Tony got lost in the mail.

I didn't do homework, or schoolwork, or cared. Completely fucktardedness I will not stand for in my own kids.

But I was never stupid. I'm actually pretty damn smart.

Take it to present day.

My brain does not stop. It just doesn't (because most nights I'm dreaming about weird ass shit like a hurricane being all around me or something).

My days are a continuous brain puzzle of teaching 3 kids. Our oldest is 4 so right now he's learning how to read small words. If only that was my one job. Do my spelling thing- send him on his way.

But it's not. It's my job to teach them academically (so they'll be ready for school, and when they're in school reinforce and help them in their schooling)- but manners (which go WELL beyond please and thank yous), respect, self worth, being a good brother and son, etc.
And there's a lot to learn academically- colors, numbers, shapes, letters, sounds, senses, etc. Top it off with needing (and I suppose wanting) to keep them safe.

I've got to teach 3 boys all these things while making sure they don't die in the process. Trust me- they'd find a way.

Now, it's true, some people reading this may think to themselves- wtf? Pre-K lessons about colors? You're complaining about that? Try quantum physics.
And that's great.
Now go teach your quantum physics class- but imagine you're trying your damndest to teach them the Dirac Equation (yes Dirac!) and the students won't sit still. And when they do their brains won't sit still. And after the 300th time of saying "stop interrupting and listen!" someone else has peed their pants, or a fight has broken out, or someone is breaking into your desk, or someone gulping down the Windex you keep on your projector- or all of those things at once.

Fun right? Now live there in your Quantum Physics classroom- with all your students. Oh sure you could leave them there and run to the store or Starbucks for a minute or so.
Nope- sorry, I forgot- you can't. All the bullshit they do while you're *right there*- think of that. Now think of all the bs they'll do if you were gone. Oh and then word getting out you left them alone- and it's hello CPS!

Ok, so I'm kind of stretching- I mean mainly adults take Quantum Physics courses but I said iMAgine! Derr!

Point being is that my brain is constantly going- and it is exhausting. Oh oh oh! But don't forget on top of it all you are supposed to be calm and understanding and patient because you "know better."

So it's hard for me to not scoff and roll my eyes at the people who aren't SAHM/Ds when they get a huge chunk of their day not having to lower their brain levels by teaching all that crap as seen above. Damnit- I know blue and yellow make green!
But do you know how many times a day Paul says to be "Guess what blue and yellow make? Green!"
And oh lord sometimes I just want to say "omg will you shut UP" but damnit I can't. They're young, their brains are growing- I want to instill in them good study habits and a thirst for knowledge, and manners so they don't grow up to be on the Jersey Shore or something.

So at the end of the day- when they are finally finally in bed, and my brain is winding down, do you honestly think I'm gonna say to myself "ahhhh time for some relaxing math." or "oh boy, let's debate politics!"
Ummm yeah- no.

So it's not their we're stupid and don't care about politics or what's happening in the world, or can't do long division- it's that my brain is always working. So you'll excuse me if I'd rather play the Sims or watch Drop Dead Diva (shut up I love that show lol). Or if when it comes time to play D&D (or some other rpg) my eyes cross and I have a "huh derr" moment when I need to figure out damage. Thankfully I have wonderful friends who are more than helpful in those times.

So I'm not stupid- I just use my brain more often than you do ;-)

because this needed more than a FB status or Tweet

2011-08-01T09:54:00.002-04:00

Recently cracked.com did an article about parenting trends that are just as fucking stupid as the last. Like male breast feeding.
Yes, you read that right.
Male. Breast. Feeding.

First off let's just start with the myth that mothers bond with their children more because of breastfeeding. Oh stfu asshats. That belief can only be thought up by women too stupid to even be able to get out of bed. Stephen spent the first 9 month of Paul's life in Iraq. Of course when he came home the first thing Paul did was rip open Stephen's ACUs & suckle on Stephen's nipple....
Nevermind the fact that I, like a fuckload of other women, couldnt/didn't breast feed.
I guess I won't have that special bond with my child like you do. Woe is me... le sigh.

Dumbasses.

Let's talk about the obvious... men don't fucking make milk! So what? I don't produce semen. Its ok that we have different parts. What are you scared of? Don't you think its a bit moronic to go from one extreme- being told that a woman has to stay home to birth & feed babies- to the other extreme- men breast feeding-? I mean really?

Let's move on to gender nuetral bs.
On second thought, let's not. The parents who make their kids gender nuetral to the extreme are too fucking annoying to give another thought to.

I hate people... I should stop while I'm ahead before I burst a blood vessle.

3 small kids

2011-07-14T18:06:00.002-04:00

So since one of my nieces is knocked up with her 3rd kiddo I thought I'd share some tips I learned & discovered.

-backpack sling. Oh dear god get the backpack sling. You can (comfortabley) carry the new baby around & still have 2 free hands for grabbing the other 2!

-force that middle child to do stuff for themselves. Even if their not quite ready. Nothing makes learning speed up then needing to keep up with an older sibling. Play up the whole "let's be big helpers & show the baby what to do" with the 2 older kids.

-get the 2 older kids used to sharing a room now. Unless of course you're super fancy & all 3 of your kids will have their own room.

-the bottle prop is my most favorite thing. Put that baby in a swing or bouncey & prop their bottle with a stuffed animal or blanket & continue stopping the other 2 from killing each other.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

Curly girl confession(s)

2011-07-08T15:38:00.002-04:00

After buying this book for my Nook (it comes with videos and everything! omg, it's like Josh Baskin could see the future or something!) and reading the little curly girl confession blurbs in it (like how one curly girl got her hair cut like Dorothy Hamil- oh dear god. I actually said that aloud... no really. You fellow curlies will understand).

So I've decided to write my own.

Oh geez, where to begin. Lets start with The Karate Kid part 2. Imagine you and your sisters got some cotton, stretched it out, threw in some wet sugar and dirt and twisted it around. Now put it on top of your head. Now live with that.
Now go watch Karate Kid 2. See that Japanese chick? You want to be her soooo bad. Oh so badly. Her hair is not only long, but shiny and straight. Ohhh the coveted straight. At the end of the movie there's a dramatic scene where a storm comes and Japanese chick is outside helping save the day. Outside. In a storm. Her, STILL STRAIGHT, hair is matted down and just looks awesome. Now try doing that scene with your cotton ball head. Yeah... Which is why for oh so long I thought girls with curls couldn't be in romantical type situations unless they lived in an era where women wore their hair up all the time. (You know, like in Anne of Avonlea when she goes to the dance with Morgan... omg)
Growing up we didn't know we curlies had to care for our hair any other way than everyone else. We washed- scrubbed- our heads, brushed them with regular brushes and either threw them in ponytail holders, or just flew out the door. 2 minutes later the frizz that framed my face came around so I threw on a headband (a habit I still carry to this day).
In highschool I was going through my "I don't want any attention so I'm not gonna do things like use product in my hair or wear a bra- when in reality all that crap got me attention" phase.
So for years I never bought gel. How did I get that coveted frizz from another planet wtf is that look? A braid. As tight as I could get it. Oh and Peroxide to help it go blonde (I mean reddish splotches).
But if you spent your entire Junior High years avoiding 2 girls because they always came up to you sneering and laughing and sticking their fingers through your hair saying "don't you brush your hair?! I can't even get my fingers through it! OMG look at her hair!"
I mean, wouldn't you hide it?
And no matter how much you brushed the problem got worse so you'd cry and wonder why those mean girls kept saying that, when obviously you DO brush your hair.
Later on I walked into a black girl salon thinking they could help me. That my hair was like theirs! Cause it obvioulsy wasn't like those girls with the straight hair. The straight hair I wanted. So I asked them to relax it.
Yes I did.
And I wish I could describe the level of straw my hair went to. But straw is shinier and softer than my hair was after that.
For years, until recently, I tried every concievable way to make my hair into something it's not.
Until I found naturallycurly.com
My hair is still recovering from all the terrible things I (and others) did to it.
Physically and emotionally. You know, like when you go get your hair cut and the stylist holds up a chunk and says "what should I do with this?" Or the stylist starts combing your dry hair with a fine tooth comb- you know the combs men have in their back pockets. Or how the stylist explains how she wishes she had curly hair so she scrunches and poofs if up so much you look like a pageant queen for the Little Miss Q-Tip competition.
Everyone cries after a visit to the salon, right?
I have to accept that I'm not gonna have shiny elven Japanese hair.
But at least I'm getting closer to making the hair I have now look good.

Divine Intervention

2011-06-24T10:49:00.002-04:00

I've started reading the newest book by The Duggars.

I know so many people don't like them. But I mainly think that's because they see all those kids and immedietly think there must be something wrong with them. I'm not saying I agree with them on everything- all I know is that they have some of the most wonderful, well adjusted, wonderfully mannered kids on the planet. Period. Say what you will about them but they are doing their jobs to the best of their ability, and doing a bang up job of it.

Back to the Duggars in a bit.

So I have serious anger issues. Not like the normal people kind. Nooo... most people would describe their anger as something that wells up inside them. That doesn't happen to me.

On bad days- days not on my pills- every day before taking my pills- there was a darkness that surrounded me. And it grew bigger. It spread towards me and outwards.I was in the middle of it. And its stifling. It's disabilitating. It's suffocating. To the point where everyone and everything anywhere near me got snapped at or felt the wrath (rar). Oooh! It was like a tornado I suppose. The closer you got the worse it was.
It takes an unbelievable amount of energy - it is quite literally physically exauhsting not being taken over by the darkness that surrounds me. There is not one person, not a single person I've met who understands that and who could describe anger that way.
When I get suggestions- from therapists, etc- my first reaction is to tune them out. Mainly because I'm already trying to keep the darkness from taking over and shifting, moving, blinking, to let any other suggestions in - well the whole thing would just take advantage and suffocate me. I also put up a barrior because listening to opinions and suggestions from people who just don't understand and claim to is, in a way, degrading. Why would I take your suggestions when you have no clue what it's like.
I've tried your methods- I have. I've tried to find that Zen place. I've tried counting to 10. You name it, I've tried it.
It is harder than I am able to express in words to be stifled by this darkness all the time and then to on top of it function like a normal human being.
It's not as easy as "hey you need friends" or "hey you should get out of the house." It's more difficult for me than other people.

I'm really not trying to make excuses so I don't have to take my dorky self out into society and make friends.

I'm saying when you can understand just how much this sucks and the difficulties it brings then your suggestions and opinions will matter and be heard.

Maybe all I want is not for people to truly understand all that- just to accept how ridiculously hard I'm working every second of the day. You can't see it. Most people have no idea this is all going on.

Wow, I sound super crazy right now lol.

On top of all that it is vital to me that I train my kids not to be selfish douchebags. Like everyone else on the planet. Ok, not everyone- most.

I mean there is not one person walking on the sidewalk when I take my kids to the local outdoors mall that scooted over just a hair. No, we always got pushed aside. Because most people don't realize it's hard to move 2 preschoolers and a stroller with as much ease as you by yourself. So when my kids are running around, being kids, and accidently run in front of someone I get super annoyed that they're not paying attention to their surroundings. I know I shouldn't- they're just kids. But it's like I have to be double sure they're using manners- once for them and once for you. Because it's painfully obvious you're too much of a douchebag to do your part in the way of manners.

So wrapping around to the Duggars.
Having to juggle all that and not get taken over by anger and such, like I said, means your opinion and suggestions mostly get flicked away. I heard them. It makes it a lonely place because I'm surrounded by people who are not talking to me about all this- but down to me. With no knowledge of how this feels yet still feel they can give suggestions. At least that's how I percieve it.
It's lonely because I can't find anyone to get it. I don't want opinions- I want a completely unjudgemental ear to absorb. Take in and not put out.
Lets face it though, as humans we are incapable of doing that. I know I am- dear god I know I am to the max incapable of doing that.

So there was a small chapter in the new Duggar book called Anger Resolution.

Oooh! Stop. Read.

I'm not very shy about the fact that I'm not Christian. I can completely respect Jesus, and think he's awesome, and if you're going to follow anyone- following someone that patient and loving, and giving would be the way to go. It's just I don't believe he's God/son of God/etc.

But that doesn't matter and I don't want to talk about all that.

The thing is I need help. I cannot train my children the way I want to, properly, and keep this darkness at bay by myself. And humans are just too opinionated and by nature "fixers". I don't want, I don't need a fixer. I need a never ending closet that I can just pile junk into and shut the door. Somewhere to put stuff in and never take out.

If I just "let it go"- its still out there in the universe (ok, hippie r-tard talk I know but I'd be a big fat liar if I said this wasn't how I thought and felt). If its still floating around, out there in the universe I can't push it away far enough that it won't come back.

It will, and always does, come back.

So I need a body guard to take and take and take and not let it out. And not to check up on me to see how I'm doing. Not give me updates on the status of the crap I'm putting in the "closet of doom" (which is what I've just decided to call it).

And that job it much too big for one person- hell for a group of persons- to handle. It won't work.

So last night when I read how the following helped Michelle Duggar, and she shared the Bible passage- I too really got it and I right away thought "that's it! Duh! The answer's been in front of me the whole time!"

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."

Like Michelle Duggar used to, I too say harsh words to my kids, "or responded quickly and abruptly, with out thinking.

Reading on about her first test, right after reading that passage- about how her kids weren't listening and normally she (we) would have probably yelled and something like "why can't you guys *listen*???"- about that she says:

"I drew a breath. this is not what I need right now, I said to myself. I couldn't even get to the mop without walking thlrough the pinapple juice. Then another voice came into my head: I'm giving you grace to do what's right. Are you going to have the right response?.... Don't think my anger was under control just because I didn't yell at him. That wasn't it at all. The attitude of my heart at that moment was, Okay, Lord (pant, pant, pant), I'm about to explode right now. This is absolutely more than I can handle on my own, but I know You're helping me. So I'm gonna do what You say; with your help, I'm gonna stay calm, and speak in that soft, low voice."

It was the word "help" that really got to me.

Growing up Catholic, I was always taught that God is always there.

Hey! God is always there! Duh! I don't have to believe Jesus is God, I don't even have to believe in any God- but I have to, for my sanity, believe he's always there.

The words I say in frustrations- words so many of us say- "Lord help me" are no longer just words. I am asking for help. I cannot do it alone. I hate admitting that. But I cannot do it alone.

God is the perfect solution. Because he can take and take and take and take and give me anymore- no opinions, suggestions or anything else until I'm ready- if ever.

That is a task I could never put on anyone. Though believe me my husband has tried- and how I appreciate his devotion and him wanting to help. I appreciate it more than I think he knows. But shifting all this junk from one person to another just doesn't work.

So I need, more than ever, to believe that god is always there. Because lord knows I cannot do it on my own.

Cannot.

So I'm starting fresh. And I will still be trying as hard as I can, but maybe now it won't be as difficult.

Pupppy Monster

2011-06-21T09:10:00.003-04:00

On this day 4 years ago some one awesome lost his son in a drowning accident.

To "donate" to someone who needs it, or to just send your wishes please go to Avitable.com

And then go hug your kids.

And again.

Body image

2011-05-13T15:52:00.002-04:00

After years and years of thinking every single mirror I looked into magically turned into a fun house mirror I'm starting to realize that, as awesome as it would be to be able to bend mirrors with my mind- it's in fact my eyes and how I view my body.

See this woman?:

You want to know the difference between her and I is? Not much.

She's blonde and her love handles are slightly smaller. But the main difference is her smile.

Put us side by side and she will look thinner. Put me side by side with anyone and the other person will look thinner.

Why? Because they're smiling and confident and happy with their bodies. My frown and voice in my head saying "they look great, why can I look like that?" adds frumpy-dumpy fatness.

So instead of searching and searching and searching for clothes that will magically change my body from "mom of 3" to "hour glass hotness" I'm going to search for my confident smile.
God that was cheesey, but there you have it.

I have stretch marks on my thighs. I have love handles and a belly that flop about. My boobies are smaller than my waist. And I need to tell myself "so the fuck what?"

So I'll continue to eat healthy and excercise- because I want to be healthy.

But damnit I'm flabby. And the only thing to make it better is a healthy dose of confidence.

If I were a better wife / female / feminist....

2011-05-09T11:41:00.003-04:00

...

I'd screech at my husband until he did every little thing I said correctly.

I'd laugh with other females about what an idiot he is.

When he does something nice I'd always say "yeah, but..." as in "he's watching the kids during mothers day... but he's so stupid and lazy he'd probably drop them off at his mother's house"

I wouldn't let him touch my children. It's obvious he doesn't know how to take care of them properly. You know, cause he lifts them higher than his head. Swings them around too fast. Blinks.

I would've burned his computer, cominc books, board games.

I would've taken all the locks off all the doors.

Sigh... if only.

Sisters

2011-05-07T16:04:00.004-04:00

So my family and I have have been writing our different memories and laughing at our weirdness. I've written more than this memory but they're all on MySpace and who in their right mind still goes to MySpace?

This is a tale of lack of imagination. Either that or way too much of it. I'm not sure.
I have 5 sisters. We all have frizzy, rats netst, banshee hair- one of us is a redhead. Not that it matters to this story but you can imagine the sight of our family. 5 giggling, frizzy haired girls, one of which is a redhead and throw in 2 red headed boys it's not wonder people stare at us.
So my older sister- *the* oldest. The redhead- and I growing up didn't always have the best toys. Let me rephrase. Didn't always have toys. Period. So we had to play with each other and come up with super fun games to play together. And what sort of super awesome game did our huge imaginations come up with?
Sisters.
Oh yes. We made believe we were sisters- albeit we were older and sharing an apartment.
We'd spend the majority of the time describing our outfits. Usually it involved some sort of ~~ass~~acid-washed jean skirt (at least for me. I never paid attention to her outfit. Pfft) So once we got our outfit down to the very last detail (including color of and fabric of bra) we'd "play" sisters.
I cannot for the life of me remember what the hell we did all I remember is that each time we played this (oh dear god yes there was more than one time) for some reason, I'd whip out my adult sized boob (you know, the boobs I'm still waiting for) and spray milk at my sister's face.
Because 1) All boobs are filled with milk. All the time. And 2) breast milk in the face is *hilarious*.
Ok, lets face it- I still find boobies hilarious and joke about them way too much. In times I shouldn't. You know like when you're the only girl at a D&D table rolling dice. Hello! Awkward in social settings much I am.

Why I chose breast milk as my weapon of choice I'm not sure. I had to do something to liven things up. I mean I was playing "sisters" with my... sister. Which poses the question every single one of my brothers and sisters and I have asked- "what the hell is wrong with us?"

the title of this post

2010-08-13T08:30:00.003-04:00

I really hate thinking of titles. I really do.

Ok, anyway.

So usually I don't start yapping about politics ad such on my blog. It's not that I don't have an opinion it's just I'm fine with where I stand and usually just don't like talking politics. People get too, ummm, emotional when it comes to certain topics and I just don't care.

But there are times, like now, when I feel like yapping about it.

I realized last night that I spend more time defending Stephen than myself. Not that he cares your opinion of him- which is why when people start arguing politics with him he pretty much shoves his hands in his pockets and walks away. I on the other hand can't do that. Especially when people call him racist or something like that.
So taking a break from trying to convince people that the entire Tea Party is not racist to yap about my own beliefs.

There are people out there who believe that they should be aloud to say anything they want because damnit it's free speach and no one is going to tell them they can't say something. They're the people who fight pretty hard against political correctness. And though I understand their point of view to an extent I can't say I fully agree with them.
The reason I believe there should be political correctness, to a point, is not because of you the person speaking, but someone else. Did you once think that saying something might just possibley offend someone else?
Ok, yes, in this day and age people get offended at every little thing and it is indeed really fucking annoying- so on the one hand I understand the people who say "ahh fuck it, you're not listening to what I'm saying so I'm just gonna say what I want." And if people would stop jumping the gun on things they deem offensive poitical correctness would be so much easier. But I do believe that the people who think it's about them being able to say whatever they want are a little selfish in thinking it's about them.

Ok, I know I had more to say but I'm drawing a blank.
to be continued I suppose.

Oh ok, I got another one. Quit getting mad at me for not having a specific religion. Really. Please. There isn't an organized religion out there today (or ever probably) that doesn't put too much human in it. The more human you put in it the further away it goes from God- in my opinion. You can't tell me that some priest, pastor, shaman, etc is the one who understands just what God is telling us to do. I don't think so. I'm not saying I know better than those people- oh geez not at ALL- but I want to follow God and not your opinion of what God is/says/does. So I don't stake claim in any organized religion.

Twofers! Neeeeiiiiggghhh

2010-08-11T08:36:00.002-04:00

yeah I couldn't think of a title- shut up.

Ok, so Stephen and I were watching Louis last night and he dropped his kids off at his wife's house for a week and I thought my god! That's awesome!

Why oh why can't I be divorced and married at the same time?! It's the best of both worlds!
Why can't I drop my kids off with my husband for a full week? Why can't I just say "it's your turn to take them!" and go off for a week/weekend? Why can't we both have our own places? And when we wanted to live together we would. Which ok would be most of the time, but I wouldn't have to hear him whine about my decorating style- so if I wanted to paint the walls pink I could.

Of course the divorce/not divorced thing sparked an even greater wish I've had for a long time now.
to be pregnant without having to have a child. Just so I wouldn't have to have a period. I'd be pregnant double the times of a Duggar just to not have a period again.
I hate having my period. Hate it. Loathe it. Despise it.

If someone can figure out these 2 things for me that'd be awesome! Thanks! teehee

Too many friggin choices when it comes to babies!

2010-07-19T14:11:00.002-04:00

It used to me "this is the way it is" and though I don't fully believe that mindset (because I believe we should grow and learn and not have to do something "just because.") it does however seem easier.

There's too much to consider. Natural birth or Epidural. Thankfully that was taken care of for me since I have to have another C-Section. And besides, damnit, medicine has improved, why not take advantage?! Give me the epidural!

Then theres the whole disposable vs cloth diaper debate. And sure the cloth diaper has come a long way since my mom had all 8 of us in cloth diapers. Pins and soggy butts, and all sort of yuckiness has been replaced with built in covers and snaps. But I already have 2 kids and I can hardly keep up with the laundry I have now- so I could see how they might save you money if you just had 1 child and you both worked- and I don't think it's that much better for the enviroment- sorry I don't. I mean there's the water, the energy, the heat to discenfent, the soap that goes into the Earth. But it's easier to turn the washer on and not think about that than to hold a dirty plastic diaper in your hand and throw it away. And besides, like I said, I already have 2 kids and am the 2nd oldest of 8- I know the ammount of laundry that needs to be done, and I know all too well about those nights when everything is dirty and you don't have a diaper left and oh boy! It's shit fest time! Which is faster and easier- running to the store for a pack of diapers, or washing a load?
If memory serves me correctly I think my mom used a dish towel once in that instance.
And I'm not oen to do something just because its easier- but geez, I've got 2 kids already and whatever I can do to not make me as stressed and wired I'm gonna friggin do it.

And then there's the choice between being on a schedule vs letting the baby determine his/her schedule.
Ok- so that one is a no brainer to me. This baby is coming into our family, and though changes should be made I am not going to bend over backwards to give you what you want and inturn seperate my kids from the family dynamic. That's why I dont' cook them seperate meals. You eat what I make or you starve. Rar.
But here's the dilemma- I'm going to try and breastfeed, again. And I wish, oh I wish, I could find a lactation specialist/breast feeding teacher that felt the way I do about feeding schedules. I don't want to be told I have to go to my baby whenever they cry. I don't want to be told I can't breastfeed and be on a schedule. I dont' want to be told that they'll sleep through the night when "they're" ready.
I had my other 2 sleeping through the night at 3 damn months and I'm proud of that. I don't give a crap about being a mommy martyr- I dont' need to tell people "oh man the baby kept me up all night" so people will know how hard I have it. I've got 2 toddlers and a 3rd one on the way I have nothing to prove. I work hard- I don't need anyone's approval. So no, I don't want to be told I can't be on a schedule. I'm tired damnit and the best thing you can give your kids is a healthy and happy parent- and if I haven't gotten any sleep I am nowhere near a healthy happy parent. Damnit. Rar.

And ok, it seems I've made up my mind about all of this... but I really haven't. Then again once this baby pops out I'll know what to do and have confidence in that.

According to the TV my life sucks

2010-07-14T09:18:00.002-04:00

If sitcoms were at all true then I was living my life wrong while growing up. I mean on sitcoms kids are embarrassed by their parents and can't wait to get out of the house. Me? I was the big dork who would've rather stayed home with her family than go out.

Ok, it's not like anyone ever asked me to go hang out at the local pizza shop or something- but if they had I would've wanted to just stay home. My family is much more fun than a a bunch of kids who complain about their families. Ok, I know in order to be cool you need to have had a terrible home life. Sorry. I like to think of the bad times as a growin experience and even if my parents and I were fighting I still had my siblings and my room. Or more likely I hd a bed as I shared a room with 2 of my sisters.

I guess it's because there were 8 of us- we had built in friendships and a community. I never understood "small" families- you know the ones with only 3 or 4 kids. It seems to be too seperate. But I grew up with 5 sisters and 2 brothers- so I should just shut up.
It's just an observation.

blink wait... I have faults?!

2010-07-07T10:49:00.005-04:00

As most people who know me would tell you- I am (way too) opinionated.

It's not that I think I'm better than others- not at all (ok some people I know I'm better than- you know like Hitler)- it's just I have high standards and expect the people I love to have high standards as well. Not ncessarily the same- but it infuriates me when people just settle. People who settle I think don't have much self esteem.

Let's take sex for example. I expect myself and those I love not to be stupid when it comes to sex. Pretty simple you would think. But there are people in the world who think "I used protection! I won't get pregnant!" Uhhh- stupid! I think if you're going to take that step to have sex with someone you should understand the consequences.
If only it were that easy.

And speaking of someones- that's another thing. Settling for a partner. Why would you just settle? Why tell yourself you can't get better? Come on now that's just sad.
Of course then there are those who like to think they'll be able to force their partner into changing into what they want. Yes, everyone changes- but there's a huge difference between growing together and screeching like a harpy when your partner has a different view from you. I knew I was dating a Conservative and would marry one and I think we work because the other isn't secretly hoping the other will change.
So your partner likes cats and you like dogs- it's ok! You lik vanilla icecream with sprinkles and they like chocolate with everything under the sun in it- it's ok!
And why the fuck would you stay with someone who's abusive? And abusive can be abusing drugs, you, themselves, etc. Sometimes the best thing to do for someone like that is not giving them yet another chance but a firm kick in the ass.
Trust me- I can go from 0 to Bitch in no time and I'm still learning not to take the little things as big things. But I expect my husband not to be a douche.

Let's move on to plastic surgery. Do you honestly think your self doubts will go away with each cut? Seriously?
Now I understand medical reason for plastic surgery. You know like being dunked in acid and your face fell off. Or you have chronic back pain and need to reduce your boobs.
But scared of a wrinkle or you think your boobs need to be bigger to be satisfied and feel good about yourself. That's sad.
Of course I'm not completely happy with my body- who is? But learning to be ok and seeing the beauty in yourself is so much better than some quick fix that won't really fix anything.

I could go on and on and on and... well you get the point.

The problem is that I'm way too vocal about all this. No one really has to guess my opinion about things. Yes, I suppose I should let people live their own lives- make their own mistakes. But that's the thing, I love my friends and family too much to see them hurt.

But I don't rush to my kids with they fall down- I let them get back up. I suppose it's the same thing.

My crazy parents.

2010-07-01T08:35:00.003-04:00

I was driving home from I don't remember where the other day and Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All" song came on- and memories of crazy things my parents told me started flooding in.

Back when The Greatest Love of All was all over the radio and every in school was singing it my older sister and I were in the kitchen with my mom, listening to it- singing along- when my mom turned off the radio and sat us down. She told us we weren't aloud to listen to that song because the greatest love of al is God's love and that song didn't say that.
So 22 or so years later did I turn the station when that song came on? Pfft! I'm a rebel! I don't conform to the latest fashion trends and I listen to The Greatest Love of All! That's right- I'm hardcore.

Long before I even knew what sex was and just knew the word I said it during a game of Mad Libs. My mom rushed me to my room to tell me- for 2 friggin hours mind you- that sex is what you do after marriage. Did I know what sex was? Nope. Was I going to ask? Pfft, and stay in that room longer than I had to? Hell no! I had playing to do!

I think my parents got suckered into peer pressure every now and then while we were growing up. Not to be swingers or do drugs- ha! No. Oh no- to be "more Catholic" than the next. Which is why one Halloween we didn't go Trick-or-Treating. We didn't dress up in totally awesome costumes (which I pride myself on every year). We didn't watch scarey movies.
We celebrated All Saints Day (which is the day after- November 1st). We all dressed up like our favorite saint, stayed home, had some candy and watched The Secret Garden. Oh, of course when they did that dance around the fire in that movie we had to close our eyes.

Not that my parents were always this crazy. It was my mom that first introduced me to Harry Potter (and Stephen who forced me to read it). And it's my mom who taught me how to not conform and do something just because someone else is doing it. They taught me to stand up for myself.

They, like every other parent, had moments of complete crazy.

Things I should probably shut up about....

2010-06-30T23:48:00.002-04:00

I should probablly shut up about marriage.

Not mine mind you.... but I have only one bit of advice for every single married couple I know. I tell them to get to know yourself and your new spouse as a married couple. Before you have kids. Dating and living together are not the same.

But I should stop telling everyone that. It seems our society has gone back to thought of "get married and pop out a kid 9 months later." Ok sure accidents happen- I mean my dear friend Katy was knocked up at her wedding (trust me, they were on the pill and using a condom, it was an accident haha!). But I think if she could wait just a little bit before having her (3 amazing) kids just to spend time alone with her husband she'd do it in a heart beat.

Ok, I've only been married 6 years this year (wait, is that right... I dont know) so I'm in no condition to really give advice as though I'm some old married lady. It just seems me the "young kids" of today who are getting married have the attitude of "I know what I'm doing!"

Yes, ok. We know- you're an adult. Which is why I need to shut up about this- just let them do it however they want. I guess I'm still stuck in a time where advice from someone who's been around the block was appreciated.

(btw Katy- I never thanked you for the tip on getting the Lanolin cream while breastfeeding. My god lady you saved me and my poor bloody nipples! I love you forever for that).

It's not like I'm not the type to be stubborn and want to do crap my own way- I guess I just need to learn that damnit there are other ways. People are wrong for doing things other ways... hehe just kidding.

I mean I hated when in high school some douche bag came up to me and told me how out of style or date or... whatever. And I wanted to say "who the fuck cares? Shut the fuck up asshole."

I don't follow the latest trends and fashions- because it's total bull. Remember how fanny packs were just the most geekiest and god awful thing on the planet? And oh dear god we swore we'd never wear them! Yeah, they're called "belt bags" now. *eye roll*
My attitude towards fashion has been the same my entire life- I might be out of style now but just wait 10 years and I'll be in styl again. I'm not going to be some sheep following around a mass of dumbfucks when I can just stay with what I like and wait for them to come to me. If I had to be that into fashion and trends I think I'd shoot myself.

Sigh- marriage advice to fashion. I sure do know how to blog one direct though huh?

damn

2010-06-25T09:19:00.002-04:00

I wrote a blog last night in my head while I was falling asleep and I don't remember what it was about.
I think I was half way writing a blog and half way dreaming about The Guild so it was probably a jumble of nonsense.

In other news Lord of the Rings Online is totally going Free to Play! Yay! So you need to play and join the Lndroval server and look for Everilda- that's me!

Oh! I know what I want going to yap about last night! Ok I totally had an OCD melt down. Thursday is supposed to be our reading night so I set myself up with a bath- complete with milk and baking soda (I have a sunburn!) and got my book.

And then. The stupid ass bathtub. Wouldn't stop tapping! omfg!

I don't have non-digital clocks in my house. Why? I fucking hate the ticking. I can't sleep, I can't think with that tick-tock tick-tock going on.

So for some reason when I'm in the bath the pipes or something behind the wall ticks, or drips, or... just makes noise! So I had to ditch my bath and leave the room before I took a sledge hammer to the tub to find the cause of the noise.

I hate you stupid ticking noises!

Now that we've told everyone...

2010-06-17T08:34:00.002-04:00

this pregnancy seems a bit more real now. And it makes me depressed.

Depressed that this is and will be, no matter what, our last child.

We talked about it and both agreed it would be for the best that 3 is "enough." If we had more we'd either have to sell te new ones to keep the house or all live under a bridge. So Stephen's going to get his tubes tied.

And the way I feel right now is not his fault- this was a mutual decision- but I feel like something's being taken away from me.

Oh sure- if I wanted I could go have more kids with some random stranger in parking lot behind a Chilis. But um... no.

This is the last child I'll ever have. There's no chance of another. I might not want anymore but the thought of not being able to is depressing.

did you know that if you're on a small break from the "pill" you can get knocked up....

2010-06-15T08:44:00.003-04:00

Apparently you can.

Yup.

We've actually known about this since the end of April. We're due December 28th.

Another Christmas baby! The ONE thing we never really wanted- and now we're goin to have 3 of them. This is obviously m punishment for being so anal about schedules.

So all those posts about not being ready for a 3rd child yet were completely true. We were planning to talk about number 3 in about 2 years. So imagine our surprise when I found out I was knocked up. We're, sort of, settled and used to the idea now. Of course this may put us into debt. Way way wayyy into debt. Of course most of that isn't entirely our fault. I mean, I need to pay my doctor around 300$ a month- that doesn't include lab work or anything like that- that's just me sitting in the room for 20 minutes only for her to come in and ask how I'm feeling. I know how the fuck I'm feeling- I've had 2 kids and (now) 5 pregnancies. Do I really need to pay you 300$ for me to verbally tell you what I know?
(yeah ok, any ideas on how to cut down all these stupid expenses please share).

Of course we're happy about the new baby. It's a blessing in disguise. A big, ugly disguise.

We're actually hoping for a girl- start off not being able to afford her! Hahahaha!

Considering this is most definately our last child I want a little girl. Of course I'll be happy with another boy. I love my boys. And I'm not one to say "blue for a boy pink for a girl," but trust me this house needs more pink.

We'll find out the gender at the end of July. Poor Stephen has the supreme task of being there with/for me if it turns out it's not a girl- lol.

Ok, this blog makes no sense I'm just blabbering on all over the place.

Long story short.

Yes, we're pregnant due at the end of December.

Yes it was quite a shock.

Yes we're happy about it.

I suppose I should write a blog....

2010-06-07T08:53:00.002-04:00

I really have missed you my sweet blog. It's just that I have something to say and it's nowhere near the right time to write "that" entry. So I avoided you. I'm sorry.

2 of my 5 sisters and my neice visited a bit ago. Loads of fun. I love visiting family but I love having my home back hehe.

I know I have more to say... dang it. My brain isn't working.

I'm reading Pamela Ribon's new book. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her. Why can't I meet girl friend that I connect with like I do with her books? Next thing you know I'll be putting a wig and lipstick on her books like it was a real friend.
I seriously need a life.

Now I want to try roller derby. And I want my derby name to be Oyster Ditch. Only so my guy friends can come to a match and yell Oyster Ditch! They'd love that.

Why can't my guys friends have a vagina? Then I'd have a girl friend. Then of course they might not be as awesome. Hell I don't know why I have a vagina. I mean, I don't watch shows like Grey's Anatomy, or House, or Desperate/"Real" housewives shit.

I guess I should go clean the house.... Hey! I guess I'm female afterall! Bwahahhahahaaaa

A leap of faith- and other crap

2010-05-24T00:02:00.002-04:00

We just finished watching the very last, final totally done with it episode of Lost.
Sigh, I'm so sad it's over. It's never coming back. No more....
But I'm completely satisfied with it's ending.
There are going to be sooo many people upset at its ending- because they want more answers, because they want better answers.
But this is the reason why I loved the series from beginning to end- hope and faith.
Some things can't be answered. They just are. Sure its our job to search for answers, and to question- but some things can't be explained. Every now and then you need to take a leap of faith.
I think people who mistake faith, and hope for religion will be angry at the ending of Lost.
From beginning to end there has been an u nderlying message of faith. Some can say the producers didn't have an answer for certain things and they didn't think about it.
Maybe all that little stuff didn't matter.
You go about your every day right? But does the fact that you, for example, wash your laundry on Tuesdays matter in the grand scheme of things? Not really. Not that you should just stop doing it and give up. But maybe you should do you every day mundane tasks with the bigger picture in mind. Life is so much better when you have a granule of faith in your pocket.

Maybe I'm not explaining myself well- all I can say is I'm completely satisfied with the ending- and damnit I hate not knowing crap- and I'm going to miss this show.
Damnit! It's a stupid TV show! Sigh... best TV show that ever was....

"it worked... we should go get coffee sometime...."
OMFG! Sigh. I think I cried the whole way through lol.

Ok, I've picked the song I want played at my funeral like 5 million times but I totally want the Lost music played now- lmao!

Of course knowing Stephen he'd play the plane/switching from Island time to LA time sound- hahaha!

I was gonna talk about other stuff but my brain isn't working beyond anything Lost related....

I hate people- hate them. Hate...

2010-05-14T14:40:00.002-04:00

This blog is probably just a result of the fact that I'm tired and irritated because every damn time I lay down a kid pops up informing me that his nap is over.

I guarantee you certain people will be mad at this post. I don't give a fuck. This is my opinion. I'm not pointing fingers, so if you're too stupid to understand, get the fuck away from me.

See now, it's not that I'm against natural things- natural childbirth, breast feeding etc... hang on, let m back up.

I've been looking up VBaCs (vaginal birth after c-section) mainly because I'm curious and like to know my options for the future. Far far into the future- I told you Stephen and I aren't ready to have #3 yet. No harm in researching I say.

I've never felt guilt about having both my kids born by c-section- not once- but I'd like to have our 3rd (and final) kid be squeezed out my cooter. That's an experience I'd like to have if possible.

So I'm not against things like that- good golly no- but I hate, I fucking loathe, the goddamn stupid ass bitches who are "advocates" of it.

When I was pregnant with Paul I took a lamaaze class- where my sister was my coach because Stephen was in Iraq. The instructor there pretty much said you were a bad parent if you didn't 1) have a natural child birth, and 2) didn't breast feed.

Stupid ass bitch.

There is not one- NOT ONE- "advocate" for all that crap who hasn't given me that "look."

I know some of you know what look I'm talking about. That when you don't run over to your kid when they cry, or you spank them, or you express your frustrations at wanting to beat their asses at certain times- they give you a horrified look and make you feel like a bad parent. Even though you KNOW you're not.

But damnit if I see that look, hear the snottiness in their voices one. more. time- I might just start bitch slapping.

I want to pop a kid out of my cooter. I want to breastfeed. I want to do all that stuff.

But I do not- with a firey passion- want to deal with those people.

But I guess that's a struggle of every mom. No matter what side you're on there's awasy some stupid bitch who gives you a look that makes you feel inadequete.

Sigh just don't....

2010-05-05T11:45:00.002-04:00

A word of advice- don't fall asleep when there are a 3 year old and a 1 year old in the house. Seriously.

On a side note, did you know if you leave cooked beets on the counter they leak what looks like blood?
Oh and that kids will get into it making a Dexter-esque scene on the kitchen floor.
I really should've grabbed my camera instead of throwing them in the shower, haha!

There's no point in having a clothes line if you're too lazy to go outside and hang clothes.

I think people who want to get rid of government assistance programs are hoity-toity losers.

I think the (few) people who get on government assistance but make no strides to get off it are mooching losers.

I'm excited for my sisters and neice to visit at the end of May.

I came up with a new superhero for our next Mutants & Masterminds game. The Duggar! With th power of God on my side and armed with 19 minions- rar!
lmao. I'm silly.

Favorite cover songs

2010-04-15T10:29:00.002-04:00

Stephen and I have been watching American Idol for a few seasons now- a habit we seem to not be able to break.
And every now and then a contestant will sing a totally awesome version of a song. So that got me thinking of my favorite cover songs:

The Lemonheads covering Beautiful:

Ingrid Michaelson covering Can't Help Falling In Love With You:

Sixpence None the Richer Don't Dream It's Over:

Joey + Rory covering Freebird

Jeff Buckley covering Halleluja:

The Bird and the Bee covering How Deep Is Your Love:

Ben Folds covering In Between Days:

The Beatle covering Long Tall Sally:

Peter Paul and Mary covering Leavin' On a Jet Plane:

Dixie Chicks covering Landslide:

Britney Spears covering My Perogative:

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole covering Over the Rainbow:

Sarah McLachlan covering The Rainbow Connection:

The Red House Painters covering Silly Love Songs:

Iron and Wine covering Such Great Heights:

Copeland covering Take My Breath Away:

So what are some of your favorite covers?

I've added a new word to my vocabulary

2010-04-14T11:17:00.002-04:00

It's amazing what you can learn around the D&D table.

Like new words and just slow I am.

My friend Byron gave me a new word for vagina- oyster ditch.

I think I laughed for a good half hour upon hearing that. Of course he lovingly shortened it and calls it Ditch. Lovingly. Heh.

So let's move on to how incredibley slow I am.

Apparently Byron and a few other guys watch that Sunny in Philedelphia show where they tea bag each other as a joke.

To which I replied "that sounds gay...*"
"Well it's not gay if you're the one doing it."
"yeah, but a mouth is a mouth and it probably feels good"

Which led to later Byron saying "...like when you shave your balls and glue them to someone's face..."

So for a good long ass time I was confused thinking "why the fuck would you glue your balls t someone's face? I mean wouldn't that hurt? And then you wouldn't be able to get up..."

It was like the Truck Balls discussion.

finally Stephen explained to me that you glue the pubes from the balls onto someone's face.

To which I laughed for another hour or so.

I love my friends, teehee.

Let's play a fun game of What the Hell is That?!?!

2010-04-12T13:35:00.002-04:00

So Stephen and I are trying to get our yard healthy and beautiful. Our yard is the eye-sore of the neighborhood. The one with giant brown patches because we didn't rake all the leaves before Winter hit. You know, that yard. So I'm havign a problem of letting lovely flowers, and trees, and other things grow and pulling weeds. Because something I can't tell if they're weeds or not.
So I'm going to put photos up and anyone with any sort of knowledge please let me know if they are plants or weeds.
(and fyi I do consider dandelions to be weeds*)

1)

this one has a slightly sticky stem

2)

sorry for the crappy quality

3)

4)

this looks like it *could* be some sort of edible but I don't know. It's also in the side yards too

5)

6)

see the teeny tiny bluish purple flowers? It's pretty, but if it's a weed it's out of there!

7)

ok, I'm pretty sure this isn't a weed but I don't know if it'll be a flower or decorative grass...?

*Ok, why do I consider dandelions weeds? Because they friggin are! They might have a bright yellow flower, and fun seeds to blow in the wind but their roots are crazy strong and they suck the life out of every living thing around it.
Hmm, I know some people like that, haha!

Bang... bang...

2010-04-08T08:36:00.009-04:00

The Celebrity Apprentice should be called "Watch Donald Trump suck Rod Blagojevich's dick in the board room every fucking week."
I'm not that surprised though- Donald Trump is a douchebag. He's one of those small penis, small minded fucktards who thinks women need to be a size 0 everywhere except their boobs. So I'm not surprised he's making excuses for Blagojevich.
Well at least now that he was fired that's all over with.

LOTRO is soooooo much better than WoW.
Like beyond 2 million times better. Just trust me. Going back to WoW would be like walking back into Jr. High. In pretty much every sense of the word.
I'm totally gonna get an earful from Ron and Mac lol... I almost said mouthful but then realized how wrong that sounds

It's been hailing every day at like 4:30 here. Coincidence? hmmmm

Paul is potty trained- finally!

He gets a treat for going poop on the toilet (to encourage) and he usualy chooses a cookie. But he'll sit there and stare at them trying to pick out the biggest one. Sigh. I haven't given him anything so where the heck did he learn to be so damn greedy?

I think certain people want to believe I'm still Catholic/Christian for themselves and not for me. I know it's wrong to think but I've never thought 90% of Christians who try and spread the good word are doing it because they care about anyone's souls. What the fuck makes you think I need saving? You don't want me to know God's grace- you want to feel better about yourself.

Finishing one of the many things I've started

2010-04-02T11:04:00.002-04:00

I'v gotten into and started wayyy too many things. So I'm going to pick just one to pick back up. Seriously, the list is ridiculous.

D&D- ok, yes I currently play D&D. But when I worked at Fridays (ok shut up, I know. Yes, that Fridays with the flare, and the stripes, and the annoyingness- but honestly I loved working there. I wasn't ever the kiss-ass but more like that chick from Waiting. You know, the one who's a kick ass waitress and has a short temper and a mouth like a fucking sailor in back of the house. Her.) Ok, got way off subject. So when I was working at Fridays we hired a guy who carried on hs bet a Crown Royal bag. Those of you awesome enough to know that there was indeed no actual liquir in the bag but dice. All colors and shapes and oooh. He'd show me all his super cool dice- and anyone who knows me knows I get distracted by sparkley things. He offered to teach me to play after we talked about role playing for a while. And I didn't take him up on his offer because I was 1) not driving and felt stupid asking him for a ride to the game every week though I'm sure he wouldn't have minded, 2) shallow, or thought I should be.
So yes, I currently play D&D but I could start actually reading the rules, maybe run my own campaign.

Graphic design. I posted a blog a day or so ago about how I was watching Project Runway and they made their own fabric. I want to get back into computer animation and art. But, like I said, I currently play D&D and it would be easy to focus on the rules and such. But, I am artistic at my core.

Painting. Forget that, I don't have time or space for something so messy.

Cooking. Ok, yes, I cook every meal for my family. I love food. I especially love the hisrtory and photography of food. It's beautiful and brings me such great joy to feed the people I love. Going to culinary school to polish my skills has been a dream for a long time. But school costs time and money. But I love it and it would feed my artistic side.

So, I don't know. What do you guys think?

Eggs (and sperm) for sale!

2010-03-29T09:30:00.002-04:00

Ok since all these people keep asking me to have a kid for them since mine are so damn cute- for a limited time you can buy our junk!

5000$ (+ 3000$ for each additional egg) for a sperm and egg combo

10,000$ + hospital expenses if you want me to carry and deliver the baby.

As far as I'm concerned that is a frickin steal!

Please- cash only.

Oh My God! Technology orgasm!

2010-03-26T22:56:00.002-04:00

I'm watching the latest episode of Project Runway while finishing up my family ABC scrapbook.

Holy fuck.

Ok, let me just rewind.

When I was younger- in Jr. High- we got our first computer with Windows and CD-Rom. When I wasn't playing Carmen San Diego I was messing around with this program my dad got especially for me. It was basically a computer animation program. I got as far as making my initials move back and forth. I'll be honest, I didn't keep up with it because I have no patience. Man I need to get some. For serious.

Anyway- and while I was messing with the program my dad woul tell me about this kick ass thing where you can use a special pen to draw on a computer pad to put on the computer.

I've wanted one since. Want. I still do.

I'm artsy fartsy at my core. And I've been in love with computers- specifically the clickity clack of typing- since my first computer way back before Windows was available for th normal person. Ok, so it was supposed to a family computer- but I think we all know it was mine. MINE! Which is why Stephen and I have our computers now- I don't share my computer.

Ok, back to Project Runway- so they get to do the coolest thing- get to design/make their own fabric using their HP pads.

And they can use a mother fucking paint brush to paint on the computer!

Oh My God.

I need a cigarette after that awesomeness.

Of course I'm kicking myself so fucking hard for not sticking with it.

Then again it's never too late- maybe I'll pick it back up :)

Because sometimes life doesn't turn out how you want it to

2010-03-18T09:39:00.004-04:00

I'm a planner and a scheduler. If I could know when I was going to die I'd probably want to- just so I can plan around it. When Paul and Teddy were born I put them on a strict sleeping and feeding schedule- they were sleeping through the night at 3 months (high five to me!).

But not everything turned out how I planned- especially with kids.

I grew up just assuming I'd breastfeed. That's the way it is, right?

Then I had a stubborn little boy who couldn't figure out how to latch on and my retarded boobs thought to themselves "We don't need to make more than a tablespoon of milk in 3 days!" so we switched him to the bottle.
I was upset about, of course- truth is I still am a bit. Don't get me wrong I'd much rather my kid eat something rather than putting him on the boob just to say I put him on the boob.

I always thought I'd squeeze a big ole baby out of my cooter. I didn't know about c-sections until my mom had to have one with her 8th and final kid (not final because of the c-section, final because, hell- 8 kids!).

But then that stubborn little boy had to be turned the wrong way and was determined to stay that way. And I'm "natural" on my own damn terms- so I waited to see if he'd turn on his own. Pfft- yeah right.

So we scheduled a c-section.

And do all these things make me feel like less of a mom? Hell no.

It's been the fad lately (I say lately... since the late 80s and early 90s) in "studies" and such to tell parents things like- if you go to your child each time they cry they'll be more trusting, and bond with you more.

I'm going to say something that will more than likely get me into major trouble- but fuck that, it's my blog!*

I think the parents who buy into that are completely unsure of not only their parenting skills but themselves.

Ok, sorry- it's just my opinion on the matter.

I love a good cuddle and a hug from my kids just as much as the next parent. But do I need that to make me feel better about myself? No.

Do my kids trust me, cuddle and love me, even though I didn't run to them at every sound? Yes. Can they play on their own without having to crawl up my ass every 2 seconds? Fuck yes!

Of course there are parents who think "why wouldn't you want to stop what you're doing to give your children your undivided attention!?"

Because I live in the real world and I know that my 3 year old will repeat the same damn sentance over and over and over and over and OVER again no matter if you respond and listen to him or not.

I have more than one child, a husband, and grown-up responcibilities- so did I set them up in their seats balancing their bottles on a stuffed animal so I could tend to other things? Yes.

And did it break our bond? No.

If there was one thing I wish people would know is that- sometimes things don't work out how you want, and that's ok. It's fine if you're not holding your baby all the time. You can and will still bond with them.

*this isn't saying your way is wrong and not to do it. I don't think my way is best. Just want people to know that if you don't run to them every2 seconds it's ok. And too- still my opinion, still my blog.

Either I'm mean or one of the few sane...

2010-03-17T23:32:00.002-04:00

But it drives me bat shit crazy when people (not specifically, just in general) forget the douchebaggery of one person just because they've died.

Oh sure, it's sad and all that when someone dies.

But what if that someone molested someone you know? Molested you? Was a filthy cheat and an asshole? Are we just supposed to forget?

Now, this isn't a contradiction for me- someone who's a pacifist (except while role-playing- die mother fucker!) and believes that every life is worth something. This is about people make douchebags who've died into some sort of hero. We can mourn the dead with out making them out to be better than they were.

Of course this doesn't apply to me- all the (2) people who hate me are stupid and ugly.

Teehee.

If I were dorkier I'd .. I dunno...

2010-03-16T08:51:00.003-04:00

As much as I want to be, let's face it, I'm just not as dorky as I could be. I don't drool (much) over the latest technology- I think th Ipad is one stupid ass giant phone, I don't care about that thing you can get so you can play high graphics PC games with out upgrading your computer (cause honestly, I'd rather upgrade my computer)...
As much as I love to play D&D and such, every time I get a chance to sit there and read the rules my mind goes blanks and I get tired. My poor friends are probably getting sick of me asking the same questions every 2 seconds. I am a dork- but I was a theater dork all through high school. I never felt smart enough to hang out with the science geeks (so I admired them from afar). Now I'm an appliance dork (oooh! New stoves and fridges!) Still, I wish that when sitting around the D&D table when everyone's yapping about... whatever the fuck they yap about... that I shared in their enthusiasm. Either that or gamed with someone who shared in my love of all things kitchen.

I had my first "real" physical the other day. The doctor thinks I may have a thyroid problem. And where does my mind go? To the normal, common, thyroid problem? Oh good golly no- my mind goes to thinking I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis- an autoimmune disease where your body attacks the thyroid tissue. Such a hypochondriach...ugh. Well, then again if I ever DO have a serious illness it won't be (much) of a shock!

I've started a compost bin, but I'm scared of ants. I hate ants. I'm not normally so violent (you know, in real life)- but if I could get rid of every ant on the planet ohh I sooooo would! So if anyone does compost- how do you prevent bugs?

Paul's losing his voice and sounds so pathetic it's adorable.

Literal fairytales...

2010-03-13T00:49:00.002-05:00

My mom called earlier tonight telling me my dad's dad (I guess I could say grandpa) had a 3rd stroke. He's fine- I mean as well as an 87 year old man could be after having a 3rd stroke. My mom said he looked somewhat "angelic."
He'd lost a lot of weight and his skin is baby butt smooth.

So that got me thinking and remembering. I have bits and peices of memories of him.

You knw, normal grandparent type stuff- him yelling at a 7 year old me to get out of the way of the TV cause the football game was on. Him saying things like "Oh for cryin' out loud!" Eating cheesecake, cheeseballs and Hershey Minis (he'd always share but we were never aloud to touch the Special Dark). How he once made ~~my brother~~ us a video tape full of Disney movies, Snoopy movies, little cartoons.... His Navy tattoo. His loud booming voice that could be heard on Jupiter.

But one memory sticks out in my mind and I have no idea why. Probably because thinking back I'm pretty sure my parents told him to take us out and kill us. Haha!

How we got to tis place I'm not sure- but somehow we were at this huge place of scrap wood. I mean there was just huge pile of wood.

Not logs. Not 2x4s. A huge pile of different sizes of wood- all splintered. None of it usable- I mean unless you were a child. Ohhh the forts and houses we could make with it! There was a building and walked up soem stairs to go in the side door.

We waited outside not aloud to move or touch anything.

...and then we went back to his house where we had cheesecake and gingerale.

It seeed like they always had cheesecake and gingerale. And a giant pot of chili on the stove.

But what we were doing at a building next to a giant pile of wood I'll never know.

I like to think he either went there to rough someone up, ask about a job, or give someone money.
Or my parents sent him there to Hansel and Gretal us and leave us.

Most people think these things about their grandparents, right?

But he was- still is- a huge mystery and to be honest I've always been terrified of him. I dare you to enter in his line of sight while a football game is on! Seriously, try it- you'll realize later you've lost a limb.

But all these things make him somewhat endearing. Besides- I love a good mystery- so as unsure of him as I am, I'm fascinated and hold memories of him close.

Besides, everytime I eat Hershey Minis and cheeseballs I think of him.

If I got pregnant now....

2010-03-09T08:53:00.002-05:00

oh we'd love our new child if we got pregnant now.

But please dear God now is not the time.

Ok, yeah yeah, all my Christian friends and family will tell me that God has a plan, blah blah blah.

To what? Put us in debt?

If I got pregnant now we'd have yet another child born around November/December. I'm sorry but holiday babies are murder on the wallet.

No, we are not greedy misers (sp?) not having kids because of financial burden. But I think everyone can admit finances are stressful and it is the #1 reason why couples fight. I've always put my husband before my kids (I know, that makes me a bad mom...) and we're already stressed about finances- even though honestly we're better off than most people as the only debt we have is our mortgage.

But if we had another kid now we'd have to put the kids in daycare and I'd have to go work full time.

I don't mind the working. But we feel it's important for one of us to stay at home with the kids. And I don't have all the schooling I need to jump into a career. I'd go back into restaurant work- I mean don't get me wrong, I love working in restaurants. But that's not exactly stable money.

On the other hand... another baby. :)
I mean we were planning to have a third child at some point and is anytime the perfect time? Sometimes it has to be an accident for it to be the right time.

More than likely though we won't be having a third kid any time soon.

Uhhuu

2010-03-08T00:29:00.005-05:00

I should really write a new blog but I can't think of anything to write about.

Thank you.

*bow*

Scalping babies- good or bad?

2010-03-06T13:33:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to write this blog for like a week now- but every time I thought about it I wasn't anywhere near a computer or had to put the kids to bed or something.
But, finally, I got my chance. So this may be a jumbled mess of a million different thoughts but hopefully some sense comes out of it.

Let's start by weeding out some people. Let just get mad at me or love me right up front.

I think women who get partial birth abortions are bitches and, to me quite possibley, worse than serial killers.

I don't fucking get it. Is it a level of selfishness so radical it's beyond human comprehenson? Why? Why the fuck would a woman go through 9 months of labor- feeling every movement, each knee, each elbow, every jolt to the ribs, every symptom of hunger, fatigue, backache... just everything only to kill the baby upon crowning?

Are parents who kill their 3 month old baby any worse than that? Yet we find those parents disgusting, and want them to pay for their actions. Yet no one wisks the mom away who killed her baby. There's no logic behind it. You're just a pathetic excuse for a human imo.

Which brings me to my next thought- I was as the Walmart vision center today (cause I get my eyes checked at super fancy doctor offices in Walmwart) and there was a stack of People Magazines. One issue yapped about the Duggars possibley having too many kids now that their newest, Josie, is a premie.
And next to it was another People Magazine telling a heroic tale of Celine Dion wanting a second child.

I cannot be the only one to see the crazy holes in all that.

If we stopped having kids because of the possibility something bad may happen to our children the human race would cease to exist. I'm sorry, but I'm not that selfish to think that I am the end all be all.
Oh don't get me wrong, I am definately not saying every human should have kids. Having kids does not make you more human, and it doesn't make you less. I'm saying don't let your fear hold you back.

Paul could get run over by a truck tomorrow- and as devastating as that would be I know I cherished every moment with him.
But before getting pregnant did I think "my child may one day be hit by a truck" and then not have him? Never. Well of course the bad thoughts pop into your head- all the what ifs that run through a parent's mind. The difference is what we do with those thoughts. Our reactions. I hope tha I teach my children to be aware and to be cautious but to never let my fear of something bad happening to them hold them back.

Now, I am not the type of mom to be defined by her kids. I am not "Paul's mom," I am not "Teddy's mom," I have a name damnit. My own name. But I would give every day of my life for one last with them.

I hate the notion that abortion is an acceptable form of birth control. If you can't handle the possibility of maybe getting pregnant while using birth control (as there's always that chance) then keep your fucking legs closed.

Now before you get all snippy and huffy and puffy- yeah yeah the rape issue. So many abortion rights activists bring this up.
That fucking sucks and I honestly don't know how I'd feel if I got pregnant by a douche bag who raped me.
Personally I believe it's not the baby's fault. And though concieved in horrible circumstances every life is worth something (mmm baby meat goes for a lot in certain countries...) I gues a lot of women feel scared to bond with someone who is half asshole douche bag monster rapist. I would be too. But there is adoption. And each person is their own, unique self. Maybe it's destiny or whatever that your meant to teach the baby to become something great.

Have hope.

What I don't understand is how one can have hope for a woman struggling to have a second child and yet not have hope for the family of a premature infant who happens to have 18 brothers and sisters.

It isn't fair and I think life should be much more respected than it is.

It's like Dr. Manhattan says (paraphrasing here)- we take life for granted because it's normal and every day. We forget what a miracle it is.

Bang!

2010-03-05T08:59:00.002-05:00

Teddy's in a front facing car seat- finally! Not because he wasn't big enough or anything yet- but Paul and Teddy's birthday's are so close to Christmas and there's, of course, Christmas- money's always tight in the beginning/end of the year.

I got sick the other day, never mind that Teddy was sick and then Paul was sick- oh no, my mind went directly towards "crap, I hope I'm not pregnant;" and then threw myself down the stairs.*

Ugh, I hate it when my boobies itch. It's almost as annoying as when your ass itches in public.

Juuust waiting for this snow to melt so I can get outside and do some yard work.

I keep having dreams about my Grandma Zanone and then it doesn't help the guilt I feel for living so far away from my CA family.

Ok, I honestly can't wait to start all the spring cleaning. Packing up the hefty winter coats, setting up the clothes line in the back yard, setting up the compost pile, cleaning behind the fridge.... man, I'm retarded

Sometimes I just really want to say "Are you fucking kidding me?!?!" but I don't.
Ok, I guess I just did. lmao

---------

*omg shut up, no I didn't. I'm pro-life, I wouldn't do that stupids

I'm too lazy to write anything...

2010-03-04T09:45:00.002-05:00

...so photos and videos it is!

Man, you guys suck

2010-03-01T16:20:00.002-05:00

I guess the RFS Blog Awards are officially dead. It's ok. It was fun while it lasted :)

Ok, first off- I have an announcement:

AND Stephen and I got a new coffee maker. It totally rules my world! I love it too much. Way too fucking easy!

1st, turn on the machine

Next, chose a flavor

They're back. And they're fucking stupider than ever!

2010-02-04T11:49:00.004-05:00

While the RFS blog awards are going on all regular posts (including all weekly memes) will be found HERE

Yes, after I think a year or so The Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards are back.

side note- the RFSA website is no longr- so you who are noobs to this the rules are simple. Get your nominations and votes in before the date assigned otherwise it won't count. I don't vote (just so you don't whine). Speaking of whining. No one said your blog was stupid so shut the fuck up. It's just fun, k?

Oh and include the url.

On to the categories!

1) Blogger most likely to die in the first half hour of a horror film

2) Blogger in most need of therapy

3) Blogger with the best videos

4) Skankiest blogger

5) Blogger most likely to sleep with your grandma / grandpa

6) Blog with the worst color scheme

7) Blog you'd pay admission to read

8) Blogger you want for your valentine

9) Most optomistic blog

10) Blogger of the month

Please either EMAIL me your nominations, or post them in the comment box (below).

I am accepting nominations from now until February 25th

Bullets? Meh, I'd rather use knives...

2010-02-03T08:59:00.002-05:00

I have nothing in particular to blog about- so a hodge podge of crap it is!

Seeing Richard so weak and not in control was un-settling.

I've been watching Dexter a lot lately. I'm almst done with season 2. I'm obsessed with it! Man that show is awesome! Though it's making me bring up feelings and thoughts and memories that hadn't been up to the surface for air in a very long time. Who'da thunk a show about a serial killer could get me back into therapy.
That sounds bad....

I want to bring back the Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards. But I need category suggestions. Got any?

A whole bunch of us dorks who don't care all that much about football are getting together for the SuperBowl. Ohhh yeah! Awesomeness is sure to rear it's awesome head! Wooo!

I tire of you. Begone!

churchey church church McChurch

2010-02-01T21:12:00.002-05:00

Every Sunday I go to church with Stephen and the boys (to show support, be a part of the family, blah blah blah).

We sit near the back and there's this teenage girl who sits in the front with her family; and she always has this look of disgust on her face. Like she's way too cool to be there and is obviously not paying attention.

And it always annoyed me- until now.

See, in high school I was uber Catholic. There are Catholics- then there was us. Beyond Catholic. Every moment of the day was pretty much devoted to God.

At least... that's the image I portrayed.

I always got annoyed with the high school kids who wore the latest fashions and had an attitude of not caring because of peer pressure. But I realized I was just as suseptable to peer pressure as they were. Only instead of drugs or patying or whatever... it was whoever loved and worshiped God the best.

I never believed- but everyone needs something to believe in, and needs a group to be a part of at that age.
That was mine.

So- I can't look with too much disgust. Still, I think she should pay attention.

What a brat. :)

Stealing is wrong?.. Really?

2010-01-21T22:18:00.003-05:00

I always tell Stephen that if I could get away with it I would try and kill someone, just to see what it feels like.

See if it feels the same as when I butterfly a chicken.

But I know it won't feel the same as when I buy meat it's already cleaned for me. Blood is gross and I don't like it.

That's not the only reason why I wouldn't kill someone, I just find it interesting.

I wonder if putting a knife in someone would be as easy as when I had to inject myself with a needle when I had gestational diabetes. That was surprisingly easy- the needle went in like my skin like butter.

But don't worry- I'm pretty sure everyone has these psycho thoughts. Right?

With that being said maybe people won't find this next bit all that crazy.

So I don't think stealing is all that bad. Shhh, just stick with me for a minute. I'm not talking about the selfish and stupid act of breaking into someone's home and taking what isn't yours. But there are exceptions to every rule, and grey areas to almost every area of life. I think stealing has a lot of grey areas.

Stephen and I were watching Dexter and on one episode a man was stealing copper pipes from an old and abandoned building to sell. I thought that was brilliant.

Who's more selfish- the people who won't reuse the pipes and will just toss them, or the ones who will reuse them? No one is using them now and they'll go to waste. So why not take them to get some money in these troubling economic times? It makes sense to me.

But see, I usually have the mind set of "ooh! Free!"

Like when I was younger and there was nasty dirty jelly bean on the floor of the grocery store. Did I think- "gross" or "not mine?" No, I thought- "Oooh! Candy! For free!" and ate it.
(oh shut up, like you never ate anything off the floor).

I guess I still have that mind set. Like when I saw someone had put a cart away but forgot their soda. Now that's bordering. Cause at first it's like "mmm, soda... for free!" but then it's like "well they're going to come back and want it and it's not mine..."

That's not a very good example. I didn't take the soda btw.

I think I view some things as- you know how people when you're visiting their house they'll offer you a drink? It's like the universe is offering you some stuff.

The problem is that there's all this red tape around it. And I can't say it's ok for everyone- because I only know how I think. I think most people are selfish and do things for selfish reasons.

I can't say stealing is bad- but I certainly won't say it's ok, but only because I don't trust anyone but myself.

I think I scared my inlaws with this post. Don't worry- I'm not a thief- just another wacked out liberal with fucked up thoughts. But you knew that already. :)

Nothing better than scrubbing shit off walls!

2010-01-21T08:57:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was... interesting.

The boys and I got to Gymboree for Paul's school skills class, and Teddy's level 3 class- early! I'm rarely late, but I prefer to be early rather than "on time." So I thought to myself- oh great! It'll be a good day!

Yeah, I should've known better.

After running home to give Teddy a nap, fold laundry and play some Sims I ran back to Gymboree to pick up Paul. Apparently he was having a great day and did everything his teachers asked.. yay! Ok, I should've known that was a sign that Hell had opened it's gates, but you know- you gotta be all supportive and say "good job buddy!"

So with smiles on our face we left and headed home. Only we got 2 seconds out and my car just decided to slow down to a stop. On a hill. Oh goody.

I some how made it further out before I had to pull it over and called Stephen.

Now, I'm not sure how this happened- but all of a sudden a firefighter came and offered his assistance. I was out there for like a minute.

Anyway, long story short- it was a problem with the computer, I had a fucking week left on my insurance- so my car is fixed! Barely under warranty (hooray for free!) and they also washed my car and gave my chocolate!

Mmmm chocolate.

Great.

The whole car wouldn't have been that bad if not for the fact that during his nap Paul rubbed poop on his light switch, wall, bed, and toys.

For those of you already thankful you don't have kids. Be extra thankful now. Cleaning poop off stuff fucking sucks.

I never said my blog was for kids....

2010-01-17T00:40:00.002-05:00

in fact I state quite clearly its not.

There. Let's quit the yapping and get to it! Weee!

So Stephen and I watched the first episode of Dexter tonight. OMFG. First off- amazing show. And yes we're a bit late jumping on the band wagon, but that's how we roll. Foo'

But this blog isn't about the show or it's interesting plot line or it's quirky sense of humor. Oh no- it's about how I'm attracted to serial killers. Not... really. No.

I wouldn't exactly say that. Let me clarify.

Smart guys with a twist of evil. There, that's better.

Some women like powerful men who are assertive and get promoted and all that. Some women are drawn to that beefy guy who isn't afraid to cry.

Me? I like those smart and nerdy guys who find things like blood, death, etc fascinating.

I'm sitting there watching Dexter thinking "Ok, I don't think I could be in like a relationship with him- oh but I'd totally bang him." especially when he starts obsessing about how the serial killer is leaving the victims with no blood and he gets that glint in his eye... ooooh!
side note- we've only watched the first episode so shut up!

I mean, I'm attraced to Darth Vadar. Not Han, not Luke... oh no. I want the one that will blow up your home planet.

Maybe that's part of the reason I'm attracted to Stephen. Not that he's a serial killer or will blow up Earth or something.

He's just twisted enough for me like, but not so much it's a danger. Some people may find our humor odd- but damnit we think we're hilarious!

When I had my first miscarriage he suggested I walk around like nothing happened and keep talking about the baby as though I were still pregnant.
I'm pretty sure if I die before him at my funeral he's going to say some crap that I would find hilarious, and in a way comforting.

You see- just slightly twisted. And I find that to be a pretty big turn on.

So Dexter can keep on collecting his blood samples.

Yes my precious... blood samples.

Oh and if you could do that breathing thing like Darth Vadar too that'd be great.

Must... have... water...

2010-01-15T08:57:00.003-05:00

I think I may go crazy here soon. I'm absolutely craving the beach.

No, not just because I've been stuck inside because of snow since Christmas. This goes far deeper and beyond a serious case of cabin fever.

I was born and raised in CA, and also lived for a few years in VA Beach.

I don't know if it's because I'm a July baby Cancer crab or what but I crave living by water. It goes so far beyond the luxery of living near water. Towns on water, especially beach towns, are different. I crave a town with that relaxed and salty bite in the air. I want to walk down the street and see that someone has painted a giant sun on their trash can and painted their house a bright blue.

I want the sound of the water and fog horns to lull me to sleep.

I wish I could explain in words just how much I need this stuff- not just the above mntioned. I can't express it in words I suppose.

Sure, lots of people like living near water- it's probably why it's prime and expensive real estate. But I'm among the few who actually crave it.

It's hard for me to be living in the Mid West. It's not that it's the Mid West- I like my town. I do. I love it. But being surrounded by land on all sides makes me feel claustrophobic and sad.

There's no way we will ever be able to afford to live on the water. I know this is my unquenchable thirst and it will always be that way. But oh good golly do I miss living on the edge of our country.

I want Stephen to be happy- and he is. This is his home. He loves his town. And I agreed that we'd settle down here- probably too easily. But damnit he was deploying to Iraq and I probably would've agreed to a hell of a lot more, haha!
And I don't want to drive us to the poor house because I need water to feel complete. That's just selfish.
But it does sadden me that my kids are already 3 and 1 and they haven't seen the ocean yet. I'm sad they don't have the common luxeries I had growing up.
side note- no I didn't grow up on the ocean- but it was only an hour or so away

So I live in a state with land as far as the eye can see.

I hope my husband understand and appreciates that I gave up a big part of myself for him. :)

That and I can't complain to much- especially thinking about the tragedy in Haiti

Reasons for divorce

2010-01-04T09:02:00.002-05:00

I think there are very few reasons to geta divorce. Two actually. Abuse and cheating.
But lately I've been watching stuff about Jonestown and I realized I would divorce over a cult. I think if Stephen ever joined a cult I'd divorce him.

Ok yeah sure, I'm all for religious freedom- blah blah blah. It has nothing to do with that.

It has to do with the fact that cults are fucking crazy. You lose yourself- become brainwashed, and then when your "fearless" leader tells you to- you commit suicide.

Or watch as someone fills your baby's mouth with a syringe of tainted Kool-Ade.

It's a good thing Stephen and I have a strong sense of self.

Ok, I know Jonestown happened like 20+ years ago- but I just can't get over it.

I don't get how any parent can physically hold their child and kill them.

How this doesn't seem fucking reTARDED to those people flabbergasts me. Ok, so you can say that the people of Jonestown felt trapped. Their leader told them that their kids would be tortured and killed- that there was no way out. Like being surrounded by flames- you can kill your child quickly or let them burn to death.

But here's where hope is my downfall (ugh, I'm such a hippie). Even if the kids and I were surrounded by flames- no way out- I think I'd still hold on to that hope that we'd survive. Maybe that's why I truly believe I'd survive an end to the world blow.

Maybe it's selfish, but even if certain death was coming to my kids, I don't think it could ever be by my hand.

Yes, most parents probably feel this way- but really. If your kids were going to be burned to death, would you ease their suffering?

Now, that's not saying that the people of Jonestown were justified. Because there is just NO excuse for brainwashed stupidity. If they weren't brainwashed and stupid- that wouldn't have happened.

Maybe it's not hope but ego that would stop me.

I don't want to look stupid after the fact! I don't want people at our funeral to say "poor things, they could've gotten out...."

Which is why if Stephen ever got involved with a cult I'd pack the kids up an hightale it out of there! Sure we'd come back if he got help and was no longer associated with the cult.

And I'd expect him to do the same for me.

Some people wait until it's too late to save their kids- then "save" them by killing them. I'd save them by hauling ass and hiding them from any hint of a cult.

soooo tired...

2009-12-31T08:46:00.004-05:00

Oh no, not like your normal SAHM tired. I mean I'm always asleep.

I went to bed at 9:30 last night and you might think, well that's not bad, of course your tired. You don't understand, I am always tired. I throw my kids in cages, highschairs and rooms just so I can take my 30 minute morning nap.
(note- ok, I don't take naps EVERY day....).

Then of course theres their normal after lunch naptime. Oh I hate being tired then!

That is a precious a rare time. I throw them in bed, give hugs and kisses, and bolt out of their rooms. And for a few moments it's completely silent. The TV is off, no music, nothing. Just silence. It's the most beautiful thing and I savour every milisecond of it.

Then of course I'm faced with a tough choice. Cleaning isn't an option at this point. I can clean when they're awake damnit. Naptime is like my weekend. I don't work at naptime, damnit!

So then I'm faced with the choice of playing the Sims and really sucking all I can out of the fact that the kids are asleep- or take a nap myself. Usually I play the sims until I fall over. I hate taking naps then- I feel like I wasted a perfectly good time of silence by sleeping. But, like I said, I am so friggn tired most of the time. It's pathetic really.

So it is a little odd that I went to sleep at 9:30 last night. Actually, I started to get tired at 8:30, fell asleep on the couch at 9:15 and went to bed at 9:30. I need vitamins....

---------------

Update for New Years Eve:

Top moments of the decade:

Meeting Stephen

Marrying Stephen

Paul and Teddy

Joining my current D&D group

Becoming a home owner

Meeting the most wonderful Army wives and friends ever.

My favorite blog posts of the year

Shut the FUCK up!

I don't know if it's karma or the fact that little girls are crazy

Surviving a tornado for my sister's wedding

Rules for Marriage

Same body different brain

In this highschool I'm totally awesome

All About Balls

Oh aren't you lucky!

2009-12-28T15:16:00.004-05:00

Paul wonke up from his nap gross and sweaty and is now screeching in the living room.

How you people can stand not being me I'll never know.

Anyhoo- I was going to post my top 10 movies of the year, but I didn't see 10 movies this year (but if I had to choose out of the tiny amount I did see- Watchmen would be #1)

I'd do top songs of the year but I don't listen to the radio.

Oh boy! Brace yourselves... now Teddy is awake and screeching! Buy your tickets NOW!

Stephen got me a gift certificate to this PJ place online that sells those footy pajamas for adults. I can't decide on which one I want. I'm thinking I might get the dinosaur ones- cause they've got the drop seat and the feet... but then again there's classic pink and you can get bunny ears to go with it and who doesn't want to sleep next to a cute little bunny rabbit!
Of course if I got the orange ones I can be seen from space AND not look stupid when I go picking up trash on the side of the road!

This is a difficult decision.... sigh

Ok, moving along (bored to tears yet are you? Ohhh just you wait!) - I stole this meme from Avi:

1. Open your music library (iPod, iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every stage of life, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new stage, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool…

Waking Up: Nth Degree by Morningwood

First Day at School: Lovefool by the Cardigans

Falling In Love: All These Things That I've Done by the Killers

Fight Song: Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper feat Sarah McLachlan

Breaking Up: White and Nerdy by Weird Al

Prom: My Love is your Love by Whitney Houston

Life: Du Hast by Rammstein

Mental Breakdown: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots by the Flaming Lips

Driving: Patiently Waiting by 50 cent

Flashback: Jailhouse Rock by Elvis

Wedding: Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson

Birth of Child: Dance with You by Live

Final Battle: Somebody Told Me by the Killers

Death Scene: I Miss You by Blink-182

Funeral Song: What's in the Fridge by Imagination Movers

End Credit: Disease by matchbox twenty

Oh crap....

2009-12-21T09:11:00.003-05:00

Yesterday Paul had his Christmas pageant for church.

Ok, forget the fact that all we were told was "have your kids practice these 3 songs." And forget the fact that the pre-schoolers weren't singing the songs, just dancing to them.
Forget the fact that the preschoolers wee split up and 1 group was supposed to dance to 1 song, etc.

That information may have been helpful in our parenting role in reminding Paul "ok, remember you need to sit nicely during this part" and such.

Aside from that- my ~~greatest~~ fear as an anal parent was realized yesterday.

My child is the one not listening to his teachers, running all over the place, lying down in the weirdest spots, etc.

Ok, in our defense Paul is 90% of the time a good boy. And he usually does listen to his teachers and to us (according to them- god I hope they aren't lying).

But still- no one wants it to be their child who's not listening and making a ruckus.

Aside from all that- the pageant was super cute!

Dear daughter I don't have, and may never have....

2009-12-17T10:15:00.002-05:00

But if I do, here you go:

I promise you will never take those idiotic MySpace photos that teenage girls seem to always take.

I promise that if you do, beatings will follow.

I promise you will have better self esteem than I do.

I promise that when you are dating and such that you will never feel like your man doesn't love you if he doesn't want to spend every waking moment with you. I promise I will help you to understand that.

I promise you will be ok enough with yourself to be by yourself. To go to restaurants by yourself. To the movies, etc.

I promise you will smile with sincerity and never with a hint of fakeness.

I promise you will date and marry a man who gives you nothing but respect and that you will not settle for anything less.

I promise you will understand that sex does not, and will never, equal love.

I promise you will understand a man isn't needed for certain "activities."

I promise you will be loved.

I promise you we will teach you how to respect others and demand it in return.

I promise you that your daddy will do his best to show you that good men are out there.

omg! A blog!

2009-12-11T20:09:00.002-05:00

With bullets!

I got the Sims 3 World Adventures ep and it's awwwesome! Although the first chick I made for it was totally bad ass. She fought mummies! She was even cursed by one! She's been all over the globe! Disarmed traps in ancient tombs! And survived it all. Then she goes home and was fixing the radio for her daughter's birthday. And. Got. Electrocuted. And. Died.
WTF?!
The family I'm playing I like too... The mom is insane and explores tombs in her formal dress. She married a Frenchman named Francois and had twin boys named Augernon and Aubert. Everything's going great until she find the last peice she needs to make a king's sarcophagus. We all know what happens then....

I'm in the middle of Eclipse. Shut up.

I've seen Twilight and New Moon. Shut up.

Paul is obsessed wth Charlie Brown and watches one every night.

Paul starts his school skills class next Wednesday. Sniff. My baby! Already going to preschool! Sigh.

I've made my like 300th batch of banana bread... I discovered I really like ginger in my banana bread.

Damn you Twilight!

2009-11-25T23:19:00.002-05:00

I hate these books.

I hate that they're so whiney, and "oh boohoo my boyfriend left me."

I hate that I read a paragraph that I know I've seen in a TV show before- line for line.

I hate that even with all that I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I'm not really sure how that happened. It's not like what I usually do when I hate something and think about how much I loathe it all damn day.

I just started New Moon and Edward is gone- and my god this is so embarrassing to admit- but I was really upset when he left.

Even though her whole boohoo my boyfriend is gone I'm gonna be sick crap was predictable, annoying, and totally taken from Sense and Sensibility (which pissed me off more since I love Jane Austen).

Some how I got attached to Edward and didn't even realize it.

I hate that this book has me reliving certain situations and times I outgrew long ago.

I hate that this whole thing (oh yes vampires and all) reminds me of him. I was a tad older when he left. And I was a stupid little girl, and I was sick to my stomach about it. I hate being old, married with 2 kids, settled in a wonderful marriage, and having all those old feelings rush in. You know those ones where there's that slight ping of hope he'll walk through that door.

I hate being hopeful for that whiney brat Bella.

I think that may be part of the appeal of these books (keep in mind I've just started the 2nd one).

I'm completely happy in my marriage. Not that we don't have our problems of course.

But that excitement of when you first start dating someone is long gone. That excitment of knowing you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone but it's still new.

The excitement of newness gets replaced by the excitement of comfort. And I think these stupid Twilight books bring in that excitement of newness. And sparkles....

I like what I have with my husband- I like that comfort that only comes with time and accpetance.

But it's been a long time since I've even been aware when he "accidently" brushes against my boobs.

There's no chance of him ever leaving- so I have to / get to play out my fantansies of longing for him while he's away through a stupid book about teenager vampires.

Btw I totally do not get the sense that he's struggling not to eat her... umm I mean drink her blood. *cough*

DAMN IT Twilight! Quit making me get all romantical and crap!

Oh. My. God! I figured it out!

2009-11-23T09:10:00.002-05:00

Mystery solved!

I figured out why people love this idiotic Twilight book!

Ok, so I was determined to finish this ~~peiece of crap~~ book. It took like half a year because omg I had to stop every 2 seconds to puke at it's whiney teenageryness.

Finally I had about a 1/4 of the way left and somehow, some way, it got pretty interesting.

And I figured it out. It was pretty genius on the author's part.

The entire book I was hating Bella. I mean a loathing hatred. I had to stop reading just to exclaim "omg will you shut UP!?" (seriously, ask Stephen, lol).

And then it came time when she might die.

DIE a horrible death!

I couldn't put it down!

Then of course Edward had to save her annoying ass.

Damnit.

Everyone says New Moon is a better book, so against my better judgement I'm going to read it. Maybe she'll have her tongue ripped out in this book!

All about balls

2009-11-18T08:53:00.002-05:00

Let me just say that I am a moron. Trust me.

I'll explain how later- but first lets get to the balls.

Last night was D&D night. The one night a week I try and hold my own at a gaming table with 6 guys and roll some dice.

I usually have a brash sense of humor and can usually say stuff to make the guys stare at me in disbelief that such a dainty and sweet lady could say such things.

cough

Well, last night our friend told me about these strap on balls a female can buy to wear around.

All last night at the table I tried to figure out why the hell anyone would buy those.

I can't understand why any female would want hairy sweaty balls shoved inbetween her legs. WANT!

I don't even understand how a man can stand them- if they had the choice I assume a man would get rid of his balls (not figuratively- you can still be strong manly ballsy men without them sticking to your leg).

So all night I tried to figure out why the hell women would want these.

And the guys tried to explain to me that it was like those idiotic truck balls. Which made everything more confusing.

It wasnt until I went to bed and laid down that it dawned on me. You don't wear these balls under your clothes- but dangle them for "decoration."

See? I'm a moron.

I was trying all night to figure out why a female wanted to walk around with balls betwixt her legs.

I still don't get why a female would want ball accesories dangling off her other than a joke and to embarrass her husband in public- but at least now I understand they're for decoration....

You're ugly because you're ugly

2009-11-15T18:05:00.002-05:00

Dear woman at church today:

You are not ugly because of your mullet of frizz.
You are not ugly because of your 20 inch thick glasses from the 80s.
You are not ugly because of the hairs on your chinny-chin-chins (all 4 of them).
You are not ugly because you let a blind and lazy man dig through the trash and dress you.
You are not ugly because you're a mouth breather and have a constant look of "derrr" on your face.

Oh no. You are ugly because of your actions.

You are ugly because when a little toddler girl in the pew across the aisle from you started to be, well, a toddler you sneered at her with such hatred. Toddlers aren't known for being able to sit quietly for longer than 2 seconds- let alone an hour long mass. A mass filled with a bunch of old men and women yapping- while we sit on hard, wooden, pews. What child can sit quietly through that?

So when she started to be a child and you snapped your head toward her and gave her the stink eye- and gave her parents the stink eye- you then became the ugliest person in the room.

If you snap a look at a child because she was being a child- and you, for a moment, couldn't hear the priest talk about god's word... how then, I wonder, will you be able to hear God's word outside of church when all of life's distractions come in?

Teddy's 1st birthday and haircut

2009-11-13T09:57:00.002-05:00

My baby is officially 1 year old. And his baby hair- the hair he was born with is cut off (and in an envelope).

sniff

I'm doing lots of bullets these days...

2009-11-11T09:02:00.002-05:00

Paul is officially a boy. He was just in the kitchen thrusting his little pelvis foward. Yes, my chid was just humping the air.
I like hving boys- every day is new and exciting. If only Stephen were 3 years old... it wouldn't be so weird when he humps the air in the kitchen. Hehe.

Tomorrow is Teddy's birthday. sniff

I hate being trapped.

I love Celestial Seasonings candy cane tea. Yummy!

I had dinner with my ladies group the other night. I love those crazy bitches. Although I think I scared some of the new members away when I started taking photos of my ~~boobs~~ name tag.

Speaking of photos. My camera is being fixed... I won't get it back for a long long long time. sniff I miss my baby! But in other news- Stephen and I are considering buying a new camera too. Depends on how things go for us this year. So then I'l have 2 babies! My old baby, and my new fancier one! I hope old baby doesn't get jealous.... Man I'm retarded.

2009-11-05T18:17:00.003-05:00

why is it I can take my kids outside for 2 hours to run and scream and get some of that energy out and at 5:00- like every day at 5:00- they go crazy and jump and run and cry and scream. Sure the simple answer is "well take them outside at 5." That would be easier if I didn't need to make dinner and Stephen didn't watch his "news."

I was sent down stairs to relax on the computer because the kids were making me crazy. I can hear muted punishments upstairs... Teddy's crying and Paul has been sent to his room. If I were any more relaxed I'd be dead. ;-) lol

The thing at Fort Hood is fucked. One soldier- you know you can kind of understand that and chalk it up to PTS and that sucks ass cause soldiers go through a *lot*. 2 soldiers, that's a little weird.... 3 soldiers? That almost sounds planned. And that is seriously fucked up. But no need to jump the gun, it's still early. I just hope we figure out why so we can prevent it from happening again and not get all huffy and puffy and attack people based off our emotions over this. Meaning, I hope people don't see the main shooters name and go all crazy saying we shouldn't have Muslims, etc, in our Military. Or think that all soldiers are fucked up because they're treated terribley (you forget this is a blog of an Army wife). etc. I know that blindly acting on emotion only makes for more trouble- so hopefully we can figure it out. And I pray for those wounded and the families of those who were killed. I can't imagine how horrible that is to send someone you love off to war only for them to be killed by a fellow soldier.

I must live in Bizarro world because I'm going to say something... well... well here goes.
I think I need to go to Walmart tonight after the kids go to bed to relax.
Relax. At Walmart.
You heard me.
I'm choosing Walmart over my kids. Something is seriously wrong with me.

I found out today from some teachers at Gymboree that Stella McCartney has a line of kid clothes at the Gap. Apparently they're super cute. I don't care about fashion- at ALL- or name brands or anything (can't you tell, I go to Walmart! Hello!) but I've always liked her stuff. Its usually flowey and pretty... I'm curious to see her kid clothes.

I better head upstairs and make dinner before Paul and Teddy light Stephen on fire....

Dear Aunt Flo- you come and visit every damn month. You expect me to clean everyting up and make it nice and tidy. You bring your cranky ass over and make my life hell. So you think you can hurry up and not be late this month? Lets get the bitch fest over with already!

H1N1 flu shot fuckfest!

2009-11-04T11:14:00.002-05:00

This morning one of our friends calls Stephen and tells him that they're doing the H1N1 flu shot at this one street and that the line wasn't that long so lets go!

So I threw some clothes on the kids and in the car- got lost at first (becuase my super smart gps system couldn't figure out how to get around a closed road).

So we got there around 9am.

Lets start the fuckfest!

There was a sort of ong line- no biggie- but as I'm taking the kids to the back of the line I'm passing lots of people wih their kids, great, some preggo women, great, and a crap ton of stupid college-aged fucktards.

What. The. Fuck.

We can't really pull this vaccine out of our asses so you'd think healthy young people would get their selfish asses out of the way to let those who need it get it.

Ok, so the college aged girls might've been pregnant. I mean they could've been in that "I don't look pregnant just fat" stage.
(I can say that without bing bitchy cause I've been through that stage 4 times- 2 of which I got something to show for it!).

So we're waiting in line and this older woman behind starts making small talk and tells me that it didn't start until 10am.

Great.

It's cold- the wind is blowing cold ass air all of us- I have no bottles for Teddy, no snacks or toys for Paul and we need to wait in this parking lot for over an hour.

Ron and Kathy- I love you both to death. But I hope that once little Daniel has popped out of Kathy's tummy you might start thinking "normally." hehe.

Telling us it started at 10 would've been valuable information to have.

So we're waiting there... in the cold... and I'm thinking how much shorter the line could be if the selfish douchebags weren't in it, and Paul sitting on the floor playing with a matchbox car I scrounged up for him out of the stroller- I wanted him to scoot closer so he was trying to get up while holding a car and my keys and the older woman behind him rushes to his side and says "can you get up sweetheart?!" all worried like.
Seriously lady? It's because of idiots like you who make it so the teachers cant use red pens because it's "too harsh" (boo fucking hoo). So I say firmly "he's fine."

So since then she decided to glare at me and show me how to really handle kids by rushing over to her granddaughter and saying "are you okay? What's wrong? You'll be ok!" and picking her up everytime her granddaughter started to cry. Oh and the little girl would cry whenever she wasn't being held- so what happened? The woman would say "can you stand up please, my back hurts" the little girl would scream and the woman would pick her up and say "it ok! Are you ok?"

If I were meaner I'd turn to her and say "just let her fucking cry! Which one is in charge here!?!?"

Although 10 more minutes of that and I might just have. I can shut my mouth until my breaking point. Sometimes.

So then the workers bring me paper work and no clipboard- so I'm trying to fill it out on the floor with Paul yanking on me and pushing the stroller around and Teddy screaming with tear stained cheeks and snot stained nose. Fun.

The line starts moving- yay! But then another worker comes up to me and asks for my ID. She checks my zip code and her sheet and then tells me our zip code isn't on the list so we can get it.

I am going to fucking kill someone.

We're home now. Vaccine-less.

But at least now I have something to blog about!

Bam! You're dead

2009-11-02T08:45:00.003-05:00

I swear I'm going to go fucking postal if one more douche bag asshole sticks up for Roman Polanski. People are saying it was the 13 year old little girl's fault. That he didn't really rape her- I mean, it wasn't *rape-rape* afterall.... I thought there were less fucktards in the world who think "she was just askin' for it!"
Fuck you Roman Polanski and the rapist sympathizers around you.

and now... a video of Paul and Teddy playing in the leaves:

I absolutely hate raking leaves but I love spending time doing yard work with my family.
And now that I'm older and "the mom" it's way better- cause I get the excuse of "I need to get some stuff ready for dinner... and then go inside by myself salt and pepper some meat and have a quick peice of chocolate. Mwahaha

Halloween was great. I took the kids trick-or-treating while Stephen stayed here watching the crappy old Batmans and passed out candy.

The night before Halloween we went to a Trunk-or-Treat party at Gymboree. It was the first time I decorted our trunk for it. I think it went pretty well! I was up until midnight the night before cutting out bats... the things I do for my kids! Ha!

I look a little crazy here but it was FAH-reezing!

I think I'm going to make Teddy's birthday cupcakes turquoise and the frosting a bright raspberry color. For Paul's first birthday I made green and blue swirly cupcakes with bright ass blue frosting.

I can't believe Teddy's going to be 1 in 11 days! My baby!!!!!!

More leaf play

Paul was a pirate for Halloween... he doesn't look it here but he was thrilled about it! Hehe

Teddy was a pumpkin- but he had his costume on for a total of 5 minutes I think....

The Devil is real and he has taken form as a bowl of Halloween candy on top of my fridge....

Is it wrong that everytime the bishop comes to our church I imagine him in his sparkley gold robes doing some awesome baton / flag action with his staff? Of course and the that gives me the giggles and church giggles are the absolute worse. And then everyone looks at me like I'm a heathen. Ok, so I am a heathen- those churc pews burn!

Before you ask- I go to church with my family in support of them.

And one more leaf play....

More reason to not like Halloween

2009-10-28T12:17:00.002-04:00

Being trapped.

I hate putting up my Halloween decorations only for them to become a beacon for every evangelist within 10 miles of me to swarm my house and sell me their religion.

Yeah yeah yeah Halloween is an evil terrible holiday. Blah blah blah.

I mean- they may be able to not wear scarey costumes and stand up against all the demons and ghosts who come down to drag us to Hell- but I'm just not that strong!

I need to dress like a cute little kitty cat to not be dragged to Hell!

Plus I want the candy.

So let me celebrate Halloween and put up spider webs and jack-o-lanterns without having to hear about the evils of Halloween.

Jack-o-Lantern making aGoGo

2009-10-27T08:55:00.000-04:00

I hate Halloween...

2009-10-25T23:23:00.002-04:00

Ok, no, that's not true. Not really. It's maybe 10% true.

Truth is I adore Halloween and it's my 2nd favorite holiday (after Easter- better colors).

I mean my kids are still at that age where they can go Trick-or-Treating, but I (umm, and Stephen) get to eat most of their candy. No I don't give my 3 and 1 year old sack fulls of Halloween candy- are you nuts?!
Call me mean, I don't care- the candy is MINE! Mwahahaha

I love the dressing up too. Come on now, I'm a huge theater dork, how can I not love dressing up?

But then there's that side of Halloween I haate. You know- the whole scarey thing. Hate hate hate hate hate!

Let me put it this way- you know that movie Gremlins? You know how it's always in the kid section of DVDs? I am appalled it's there as it is probably one of the scariest movies to me.

Yeah- that one. And just to see if I would think it was lame after all these years I watched it again in my 20s- nope, still gave me nightmares!

Oh have I convinced you yet that I'm a total r-tard loser? Ohhhhoo, just you wait!

Now I love the Saw movies (I know, weird huh)- but everytime I watch them I get freaked out some crazy in a pig mask is gonna think I'm not living my life tot he fullest and come get me and I'll wake up in some crazy ass contraption and have to kill one of my kids to get the key or something.

Do. Not. Want.

I don't want to see scarey movie previews. At all. Thank god for DVR, now I can just fast-foward through them.

And Halloween parties- yeah k no. I mean, unless it's a kids one... maybe.

I don't do haunted houses, or things in pitch black not in my own house- or at night.

I guess maybe it's a control thing- I do have that problem. I like the control. I don't like being vulnerable- even to the point of missing out on fun activities.

You know what's really sad? I'm debating whether or not to post this because I honestly think that people will use this information to scare me. That really is what I think of people- like we're all still in Jr. High and you tell some one you can't swim so they decide to throw you in the deep end of the pool (true story, my heart still beats fast when I think of it).

But whether or not this is a control issue- I still really don't want some pig mask person leaping out for me from my closet.... :(

If you think this blog is about you... it probably is

2009-10-22T18:47:00.003-04:00

So I know this person.

I've known her for a long, long long long... super duper long time.

She's a feminist and said she would vote for a woman for president no matter what- just to get her in the White House. Get our foot in the door.

Unless that woman is a Republican.

She's middle of the road and tolerant.

Unless you disagree with her.

Before I met my husband I saw and heard my fair share of enough Right-winged crazies. I've heard I'm not for my family because I lean to the left. I've heard the word "Liberal" spewed out of people's mouths as though it were rat poison. The list goes on and on.

Now that I'm married to a Conservative I get to hear the crap the Leftist elites spew out.

As if I didn't hate people enough as it is- now I hate people even more.

Hypocrites are probably in my top 5 more hated types of people.

With Obama (I'm sorry, I mean Our Lord and Saviour) winning the Nobel Peace Prize recently some people's true character has come out.

It became disgustingly apparant to me how cheaply people can be bought and sold.

Forget he was nominated what- 2 weeks(?) before taking office and since taking office has done... ummm... some speaches and stuff. Sure he might not do everything everyone wants him to- but do something. At least something worthy of such a prestigious (sp?) award. You happening to be born 1/2 black and have great camera presence means diddly squat to most people.

Oh crap, I forgot- by thinking this, by saying this, I'm a racist. And that's what this is about. People are scared of being called a racist. I think most people would welcome a gang raping up the ass rather than be called a racist.

But guess what, disagreeing with someone doesn't make you a racist. And french kissing the ass of those in power doesn't make you better.

I say that to all the Bush supporters out there who have yet to scrape the Bush bumper stickers off their cars, etc.

I mention Obama's Peace prize because some people went bat shit crazy over it.

These people were bought so incredibley cheap by our President that all he had to do was flash a smile and, like drones, they followed him- leaving behind any sort of Conservative or Republican friend, family member, or aquintance they once had.

And those people might as well be from a different species as Stephen and I. We just don't understand how anyone, left or right, can let politics have that much effect on them.

I'm wondering if those leaving behind their Conservative friends and family would sneer and snicker and be pissed at those who disowned their child for being gay?

Um, let me stop and make a disclaimer here really quick. I'm not saying that all Conservatives are against Obama's Nobel Peace Prize because he's a Democrat. And I'm not saying all Conservatives would disown their child for being gay. I was just using examples....

Anyway.

It makes me feel sad and alone to think that there are so few actual middle of road people, like me, left.

And I feel even more alone when those who are hypocritical and lean to the extreme tell me their tolerant...

sigh

A little here and there...

2009-10-21T11:20:00.002-04:00

I don't have one thing to blog about- at least nothing worthy of an entire bog- so it's time for more bullets.

Sometimes I want to get back into theater- go audition, rehearse, study my lines,be amongst other theater dorks. Sometimes I miss the feel of a stage under my feet.
But just because I miss it doesn't mean I should go back. It's been a long long long... looooong time since I did any theater. Honestly I don't know if I can anymore. Have you ever seen that old ass movie The Joy Luck Club? Ok, so there's a little girl who was likesome chess genius- she understood it, could see moves 5 steps ahead, and then lost it. Couldn't see all the tricks, etc. I swear the same thing happened to me. Ok, so I'm nowhere near being a chess genius- err a genius- but I used to be able to understand theater. I could read 5 lines ahead, think about how to deliver th next line while delivering my current line.
I can't even remember my name now- let alone a script... lol.
So I'll just keep my memories and leave it at that.

There is like 2 miles deep of leaves on our yard. Guess what we'll be doing today?!

Sigh, I love my Dysons... just saying.

I was hoping Paul would be potty trained by now... nope. Sigh

If we ever have a girl she will never, ever ever ever ever ever ever be aloud to be in a pageant. Ever.

Bullets! Ka-Pew! ka-Pew!... again

2009-10-18T20:11:00.002-04:00

There's a lady I know- she says her almost 1 year old is walking. I think she's confused as he's only cruising. K, that's totally not walking. I should've suspected since she said her first born started walking at 9 months.... These kids aren't exactly "advanced" either. I'm not being mean, just keepin' it real... yo

Teddy's 1st birthday is next month and I have noooo idea what we're getting him. Nothing too big, I mean it's just a 1 year birthday. Maybe a package of diapers! He'll love it! He's getting his first cupcake for crying out loud- what more does he need?!

We're getting Paul a kitchen play set thing for his 3rd birthday (which is a month after Teddy's birthday). We're sooo excited! He loves "cooking" and does it all day. I'm trying not to think too far ahead- but omg I'd love it if Paul turned out to be a chef or something! *squee*!

We're going to a Halloween party at Gymboree on the 30th. You're totally jealous aren't you? Who needs Avitaween when you've got a bajillion sugar-sticky kids all jumping on foam mats? Ohhhh yeah!
I'm just kidding I totally love Gymboree

I think I'm gonna make caramel apples to pass out at the Trunk-or-Treat this year. Mmm.
Oh, don't get me wrong we are SOOOO going real Trick-or-Treating. Pffft! I don't get the whole trick-or-treating in a mall crap.

Yeah, k, that's all I gots for now.

Oh boy! I don't have cancer!

2009-10-15T12:51:00.003-04:00

About a month or so ago I noticed the mole by my eye had changed.

Now, I'm a pretty moley person- I'm not sure you can be Italian and Mexican and not have a crap ton of moles.

I'm also a hypochondriach so I keep an eye on my moles- always have. Admittedly I've seen stuff that wasn't there- running to my mom crying that I think I have cancer because a mole on my arms "changed" (it didn't really, but it's amazing what you can see with a vivid imagination).
My mom rolled her eyes and said "you don't have cancer now go play!"

But the mole by my eye really did grow and get bigger and change color. So I went to the doctor's.

That was, uh, interesting- going into that doctor's office. It was for all things skin related- so the kids and I were sitting in the waiting room with people waiting for their Botox shot and the people truly sick, with walkers. That was strange and a little scarey. It was hard not to be upset- I wanted to blog about it then, but... I thought it best to wait.

So the doctor did a biopsy and scraped off my mole and sent it off to the lab.

Finally this morning they called and said everything was fine- not even a hint of a malignant tumor.

So.. Yay! I don't have cancer!

I do, on the other hand, have the flu... so I'm going back to bed.

Because I can't think of anything else....

2009-10-13T10:15:00.002-04:00

I can't think of anything to blog about so I'm copying and pasting a blog I posted on my MySpace page here.

A while ago my family and I decided to start writing our memories- we had an "interesting" family and thought since every other family is coming out with books and such (the Duggars, Jon and Kate, etc) we figured- ooh why not? Fun! So here's one entry from me:
---------------------------------------

Ahoy mateys! There be animals on this here ship!

If it wasn't already evident I, we, did not have a "normal" childhood.

While other children were playing with their new store-bought toys- their toys of the latest and most popular characters- we were in the backyard with shovels, dirt, bicycles with no tires and anything else we could find.

One of my personal favorite games to play was Pirates. Every now and then it would start to rain. This was not your every day rain. Rain that replenished the Earth. Rain you could smell coming from miles and hours away. Rain that made the dirt smell like rich soil. Rain that made the grass smell like life.

We craved days like this. On these days we found a new sense of excitement and ran outside gathering every peice of scrap wood from old fences and god knows where else. We scrambled before the "storm" hit to make a Pirate ship.

The rain would start and suddenly we were amongst the high seas- a storm raging, and we were deperately trying to survive.

I was the captain- always. My need for control was great and I thrived and fed off it especially in this game. Using an old bicycle tire as a helm I brought us through the waves.

Every now and then one of the "crew" (usually Anne or Kathleen) would get blown overboard and another member of our crew would jump off to save them and swim back to our ship.

I loved these days. Even now when rain like that comes I have to take a moment to smell the beauty of it and an excitement comes over me.

On days when it wasn't raining- which was quite a few- we would occasionally play indoors. Our games, for some reason, most of the time involved animals.

Four of us would get into a corner of the living room. The referee (otherwise known as Diana who did not want to wrestle) would yell GO! and we- each having picked the animal he or she was representing would tear out of our "cages" and attack!

This was a much needed game. 10 people living in a smaller house. 8 children all wanting individual attention. Pent up anger and frustration all came out in this game. It was our Fight Club and we loved it. Sweaty wild animals tearing at each other- what could be better?!

When we weren't playing pirates, trying to kill each other or survive we would often explore. Oh we loved to explore. Not more than 3 days would go by with out someone suggesting we go dig for buried treasure.

Out to the backyard we ran to the same spot we always dug for treasure. Under the Mulberry tree where no grass grew we split into teams. First we'd all start digging. When the hole got big enough and deep enough a couple of us would hop down inside scooping out the loose dirt and digging deeper; the rest stayed on top digging wider. I'm not sure why we kept digging in the same spot hoping to find... something. Anything.

One time we hit a tree branch and for a moment we were overwhelmed with excitement at the possibility that it could be dinosaur bone.

We also had prime spots where we just *knew* treasure was hidden and burried but could not get into.

The closet in Barry's room. The wood planks just seemed "off." as though the house didn't add up and if we could just break through that bit of wall we'd find wonders from long ago.

The square of cement on the back patio. Everywhere else was smooth and neat. This was like a door of cement with no handle. We tried everything to pry it up. Even a crow bar- but our imp like child bodies couldn't budge it.

I'm not sure about the others- but to me the possibility of something better, something hidden, something secret was in a way the most exciting thing to me as a child.

I'd often have day dreams about a wealthy older couple asking mom and dad if they could adopt us- and we'd be whisked away to their mansion and given every material luxery. Including name brand sugary snacks!

We never found any treasure- looking back though I realize we gained so much more. A bond with each other that goes deeper than blood. In exploring our surroundings we were building relationships that would shape our lives and carry us into adulthood.

My husband is crazy... or maybe not

2009-10-12T11:13:00.002-04:00

Stephen and I have this ongoing, uhh, "discussion" for a while now.

He thinks strawberries are too tart and puts sugar on them.

I on the other hand thinks he's completely insane and that strawberries don't need any extra sugar.

He also thinks cereals like Honey Bunches of Oats aren't sweet enough- bland flakes with granola he says.

Again, I think he's insane and that cereal is perfectly sweet.

So, do you add sugar to your strawberries and think that cereals like Honey Bunches of Oats aren't sweet enough; or ~~are you sane~~ do you not...?

omg- they're twins!

2009-10-09T11:18:00.002-04:00

Here's Stephen when he was 5:

and Paul at this year's Ren Fest:

My review of Knowing...

2009-10-08T17:20:00.000-04:00

...It sucked.

You're welcome.

Post about kid stuff

2009-10-07T10:23:00.002-04:00

There's a new show on Disney Channel called Jungle Junction- Paul likes it well enough. However, all the characters look like Happy Meal toys, and the episode we're watching now... the town is having a meeting because the delivery elephant is llergic to flowers and is sneezing. A town meeting for allergies? Some one give that elephant a Claritin and shut up about it!

Last night before bed Stephen and I went to go check on the boys. Apparently I forgot to put Teddy's gate up on his crib... he not only fell out of bed but crawled to the door where he fell back asleep. I didn't hear a thing while we were in the basement playing D&D.... I had to laugh but at the same time I was like "omg! My baaaaby!" He was completely fine- not a mark on him. I mean it's not that far down from the crib to the floor, and kids have fallen further- still, eep!

Took the boys out the other day and took photos:

The end is upon you guys...

2009-10-05T08:34:00.002-04:00

Let me just start by admitting something.

I, honestly, think that when the end of the world comes I will survive it.

Not that I'm building a bomb shelter in my back yard or have a space shuttle to take me above everything until it's not as deadly....

Nope I just think somehow, by some crazy ass miracle or by pure luck, I will survive it.

Of course after it's all over reality will settle in and I'll be horrified and wonder why I survived, it's not like I can call 911 when I get sick or have a heart attack or anything. I don't really think this through- I just assume I'm going to survive.

Maybe I just admitted that I am that crazy....

I hate the snow.. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate it!

2009-10-04T14:07:00.003-04:00

Ok, no- it didn't snow here. Not yet anyway. But last night was so unbelievable cold I was laying in bed (under a sheet, a down comforter and quilt wearing Stephen's sweat pants, a sweater and socks) shivvering and thinking how it's only going to get worse.

Growing up in southern California snow was... magical

On special occasions we'd drive up into the mountains to go play in it. Usually to where snow had mostly melted. And then we drove home when we were sick of it.

Then I, we, lived in places where it snowed... in our backyard. Places we couldn't just go home to get away from it. Now I know why people vacation in Florida for winters- they're not stupid. Richer than we ever were and than I am now.

Snow used to be magical- it sparkles! You can make things with it! I loved it, until I lived in it.

Snow is fucking COLD!

With kids it's even worse! Just getting Paul dressed to go out and play took about 30-40 minutes. He was wrapped from head to toe. We go outside ad he waddled around for about 10-15 minutes, occassionally bending down to touch some, before crying to go back inside.

Then I'm left with the conundrum of making him stay outside because he begged to go out and it took us this long to get ready and I'll freeze first, so go play! Or waste all that time bundling him up so we can go inside to where it's warm.

Then we get inside and take off all our wet things and it takes just as long to take off as it is to put on. Now I'm wet and the heat of the house is making me sweat under everything and all I want to do is take this darn sweater off of him but he's screaming and holding it down....

And now I have 2 kids to take out to play in the snow.

I want them to have fun in it and would never take away their opportunity to play in it just because it's evil and I hate it!

Oh yeah, AND I can't wear my flip-flops in the snow. See? Snow is stupid.

AND I think it's sad that- like on Christmas morning after we opened our presents, we got to go outside and play with them! One year we all got rollerblades and ran out to try them out... not possible in 500 inches of snow.

All those poor kids wh get bikes fo Christmas have to stare out the window and wait for the spring.

It's no wonder peopleget depressed in winter.

Turning in my feminist membership

2009-09-30T21:38:00.002-04:00

It has recently becme apparent that am no longer aloud to call myself a feminist.

I don't think abortion is okay.

I'm a SAHM, choosing to deal with my own whiners other than someone else's.

I think rape is rape- whether it be statitory, or "rape-rape."
hat tip to Whoopie Goldberg for clarifying that it's okay if it's not "rape-rape"

I love my husband and respect him, and he respects me. I don't have his balls in a choke hold.

For all these reasons and more the ~~outspoken, hypocritical~~ celebrities don't think I'm a feminist.

Hind sight in 20/20, ohhh indeed it is....

2009-09-28T23:14:00.002-04:00

I wish I appreciated by Grandpa Z for what he was when he was alive.

Well, that's not entirely true. I appreciated him, and was fascinated by him- but tooo shy and scared to ask him questions. And was too much of an ADHD to concentrated long enough on his answers. And a teenager.

He taught me so much that I'm not sure he even knows he did.

My love for the simplicity of food I owe, in part, to him. He once brought us a lychee as a snack. I'll always remember the way his eyes were shining as we took them. He knew we'd love them. And we did. I still remember thinking how the lychee seed/pit was one of the most beautiful things ever. I still want to make a necklace out of them.

He was quiet, and I don't remember him saying more than 4 words. That or I just never paid attention.

But when he did speak he had a sense of humor rarely found today. I know that if he were still alive today we'd be laughing and smiling at each other.

I wish I would have stayed in the kitchen with him instead of running outside to play with everyone else.

If I didn't take for granted him being there I would've followed him everywhere. I'd follow him to the chicken coop, and as he gardened, and to the garage where he kept the Bocce game up on a shelf. I'd stay with him while he watched tennis, as waddled into the kitchen to check on whatever it was that was making the most delicious smell in the world.

And we'd sit and have a glass of buttermilk together.

And if he were alive today, he and Stephen have meaningful and grown up conversations about going to war. Maybe he'd show us all his World War II awesomeness.

Or he'd continue doing what he always did- not talk about it. That'd be ok too.

If he were still alive he'd bring me things from his garden- so excited and proud to share them- but in his own quiet way.

I'd give anything for a guava from his garden.

I wish I lost my shyness much earlier on in life.

But at least now I can make sure my kids know their grandparents better than I knew/know mine.

Fishing trips for them with my dad will be a must. So will baking Christmas cookies and Thanksgiving pies with my mom. Sitting on Stephen's dad's lap while he has a glass of red wine and watches the news. Being with Stephen's mom as she talks about Mom T and makes turkey soup.

I always got annoyed when my mom pushed us to be more social- I wish I took her advice.

My brain is stupid

2009-09-28T08:30:00.003-04:00

I've been writing a blog post in my head for like 2 days with out chance to sit down and actually blog it. Now that I have time actually putting it down in blog form isn't working.

Neither is my space bar. Stupid friggin laptop keyboard... grrr.....

yet another fascinating post brought to you by MEH!

OMFG are you serious?! No really!

2009-09-24T22:41:00.002-04:00

I used to have my hair cut like this:

no that's not me, but I had my hair cut like that once

And I always loved that cut. It was cute on me and brought out my cheekbones and eyes.

Over time that cut grew out, and some crazy bitch ruined my hair when I wanted to get it cut like that again. She fucked it up so bad I had to cut my hair into a faux-hawk (which I loved too until it grew into that between stage).

Then I've been trying to grow it out ever since because Stephen has been wanting to see me with long hair 'cause he never has (except for videos and photos from when my hair was down to my butt).

But, unfortunately, the longer my hair grows the grosser and frizzier it gets. Even with trims and all.

I like my hair shorter and it looks better on me anyway.

So today I wanted to run down to this one salon close to our house.

I knew before going in there it was a big mistake. You know how sometimes you can just *tell* a salon is bad when you walk in? It's not one of those little places that surprise you- oh no, this was a place trying to be nice but it was just a step aside from Fantastic Sams.

So I go in and show the lady the photo above (I think it better to show a photo than to explain. Or so I thought.

She looked at it and said "okay!" and then asked if I wanted a shampoo or for her just to wet it down and cut. Since I aready washed my hair I said just wet and cut.

She barely wet it and went to town.

Tear jerking OMFG my hair! point 1. I have curly ass hair. I don't mean, pretty and nice curly hair like in commercials- I mean I have actual curly hair. Which mean if you comb through it with a small black comb when it's dry it's going to frizz out and break and you canNOT cut hair that's frizzed out and like that. Man, I swear I'm going to cry again.

But I didn't say anything. I don't know why! I think it's stupid that while I'm getting my hair cut by a "professional" hair stylist I say "can you wet my hair more please?" Does that make sense to anyone else?

So I let her do her thing. She got to a chunk of hair up top- like if you were going to pull my hair from the top- and goes "so what do you want me to do with this part?"

Um are you fucking KIDDING ME?!

You hold up a chunk of my frizzy ass hair- which YOU made frizzy- and ask me what I want to do with it?!

I am fucking flabbergasted! Why don't you cut it off, stick it up your ass, and get your stupid ass back to beauty school you moron.

She "finished" and handed me the mirror- NOTHING like the photo. A triangle of frizz if you will. So I go, "well umm, I wanted it more like the photo..." So she sighed an annoyed sigh and cut it the same way- just shorter. Which means it's now a fuck ton pouffier.

Stephen says it looks nice but he's always been a wonderful husband like that. :)

So next week I'm going to a salon suggested by Naturally Curly.com

So next time I want to cut my hair it will be only at one of those salons.

Until then I'm just gonna paint a box with pink sparkles and wear it.

ohhhh crap

2009-09-24T08:53:00.002-04:00

Yesterday evening our neighbors across the street (not the crazy ones with Christmas decorations up until April) said their bolt on their backyard fence was broken off and heard someone jiggling the door to the house from the garage.

It was still light out.

So either someone was bold enough to try and break in their houes in broad day light; or it was some crazy old man who went into the wrong house.

If our neighborhoo does have a burglar then that's perfect! No seriously, cause I just watched the Surviving Disaster about home invasion.

I can't wait to practice what I learned! Then again the show they didn't have a toddler and a baby.... But if I ever get locked in a trunk, I'll know what to do. Or if I ever get zip ties put on me....

Man I love that show....

But back to my original thought... Shit we may have a burglar in our neighborhood.

stupid Fall

2009-09-23T08:51:00.002-04:00

Does it look like I have time to spend more than 2 fucking hours a day raking and picking up leaves?

Does it?!

Stupid fucking trees....

Although yesterday when I was raking the backyard I was thinking that if I was part of the Duggar family we'd get this shit done in like 2 seconds.

I should make a Duggar family made of robot and bring them out when I needed them. Like for raking leaves and cleaning the crap I never have time to. Like the walls, the garage, and the basement, etc.

Of course then when the robot wars come I'll have a Duggar sized army of robots coming after me... Not good.

Nashville- yeeehaw!

2009-09-20T21:38:00.006-04:00

Stephen and I spent our 5th wedding anniversary in Nashville... with my parents... lol.

Yeah, we're smart. An entire wedding anniversary weekend sleeping in the same room as our 2 kids. Just tattoo moron on our foreheads now.

Anyhoo- here's some video and photos from our trip:

We stopped at Metropolis on the way to visit the giant Superman statue:

We went to the Melting Pot (just Stephen and I haha) for our anniversary:

We walked around Nashville

And stopped into Coyote Ugly

We went to the park and walked my sister Kathleen's dog- George:

And the rest of the time we hung out and goofed around with my crazy ass family.

Crap, what the hell was I going to blog about...?

2009-09-16T08:47:00.002-04:00

I thought about what I was going to blog about last night and now I can't remember.

That's what I get for going to bed after midnight. It wasn't my fault! There were all these orcs attacking us!

I'm sure the blog I was going to make wasn't all that important considering I can't remember what the hell it was about.

Our day filled with Kings, Queens, fair maidens, brave knights- and cheesecake on a stick!

2009-09-13T20:37:00.003-04:00

This years Ren Fst trip was by far the best.

Now the food at the Kansas City Ren Fest isn't as good as the one in Colorado. I don't know if they changed things everywhere or if Kansas City just said "ahhh fuck it," but in any case the food isn't as good.

And to me the Ren Fest is all about the food People walking around chomping on turkey legs (cause you know those birds are native to N. America- oh soooo Renaissancey!), and things on sticks. Everything tastes better on a stick! Cheesecake, steak, chicken, pickles, sausage.... mmmm

So as disapointed as I am that KC doesn't care about their quality of Ren Fest food- it was still the best one yet. All because the kids weren't whiney demons! That makes ANY situation just like with glittery gold dust!

They actually had a great time! Paul rode an elephant (twice) and loved it. He rode a pony and loved it. He hugged and kissed the crap out of some sheep.
side note- I'd like to thank Mickey Mouse Club House for helping my kids love elephants and sheep.

He was nice and polite to people. I'm almost certain he was possessed....

He even sat still and got his face painted! That, to us, was HUGE! I mean you always think of your child's first steps, and all that crap- but you never think about the first time they sit still and get their face painted.

Ok enough yapping, I'll let the pictures do all the talking:

gypsies dancing

Paul riding a pony. You can't tell in this photo but he was saying "neigh!" and "giddy up!"

omg! He was faaaaaaaaaabulous!

nap time at the ren fest

Hello lovely unicorn. I shall name you... Betwalda!

he apparently was very sorry for having slayed the dragon.

ohhh Teddy

Paul seriously loves im some fountains

Paul meeting the princesses

Wooohooo! Those Ren Fest ~~dorks~~ people sure know how to whoop it up!

...I still can't believe he got his face painted...

squee! A fairie!

My husband... the King...

woohoooo!

-I'm just sooo lovely with my long golden locks

Paul sure does love those sheep....

don't tell me it's that way fairie bitch! It's this way!

Ye olde pickle stand

Bullets! Ka-Pew! ka-Pew!

2009-09-11T09:21:00.002-04:00

the surgery went well. I am minus 4 wisdom teeth. It feels weird. A little hillbilly-ish at first, but I'm getting used to it. As well as my teeth- they hurt cause they're shifting now that they have room to move.

I'm pretty sure I have Swine flu... again.

Ridding my body of it's bad eating habits has been murder. But I'm determined.... sigh

It's 9/11... I didn't realize it until I read an abundace of status updates about it on Facebook.

I finally found and bought my Dodgers hat! WOOHHOOOO! I used to have one, but I left it in a movie theater once and when I went back it was gone. And living in MO where the Royals play it's hard to find a Dodgers hat here. The Royals stole the Dodgers' blue AND font! Which is why the Dodgers will probably never play here- at first glance it looks the same. Stupid Royals....

Going to the Ren Fest tomorrow! WEEEE!

I like my neighbor and think he's a great guy- but his tree is driving me nuts. 90% of all the leaves from it blow into our yard. And it has a LOT of leaves. Ugh.

I love Fall. Clothing stores start selling clothes in my favorie color- peacock blue.

It's been petty boring lately. Thus endeth this post!

Beatles Rock Band...

2009-09-10T08:59:00.000-04:00

SQUEEEE!!!!

Listen up assholes

2009-09-09T08:48:00.004-04:00

As we all know (I say all, since if you read my tiny profile thing to the right there you'd know) my husband is a conservative.

He is not an extreme. He's middle of the road and leans to the right.

But of course according to some jerk-fuck douche bag assholes out there he thinks he's above everyone else of "lower class"

uhhh ok. I guess he took complete pity on me. Marrying someone who grew up in one of the poorest peice of crap destitute neighborhoods in Southern CA. Oh wait! I know! He did it to look good! You know to say he understands "the people." That's it. What these jerks don't know, but yet will assume, is that he didn't grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth. Fuck, he was lucky to have spoons. Ok assholes, you guessed it- conservative doesn't equal rich! And rich doesn't equal "holier than thou."
If anyone's "holier than thou" it's the people who think their shit smells like roses because they think they're more compassionate than you. What a joke.

And Stephen makes jokes... a lot. He will joke about anyone and everyone. Including himself.
So if you can't tell a joke when it's told; if you honestly think he's that much of a tool that he really can't stand certain people (including white republicans) than you are the dumbest fucking r-tard out there, and need to pull that giant stick out of your ass.

to clear things up for those not in the know- Stephen does not make racists jokes and such. And in fact gets extremely uncomfortable when people make insane racist jokes and such.

Or maybe it's that he completely shields me from how hereally is.

You know- his wife. The person he tells everything to. The person he's had 2 kids with. The person he goes to bed at night with. The person who's there when he wakes up every morning. The person who disagrees with him on most political opinions yet listens with open ears to him state his side and opinions. The one who is lucky enough to have him for a husband as he will listen to me vent whenever I have one of those "man republicans are getting on my nerves today!" days.

Maybe not what's wrong here is *him*- but you. You who jumped into assumptions about him that are not at all true.

What makes me the saddest is that he truly and honestly thought one of you was his "friend."
He thought that you were nice enough to have decent discussions with him- even on differing opinions.
Maybe you should've said something back then. Let us know where we stand.

Actually, that's not true. What hurts *the* most is that he spent over a year away from home in a war zone with you. He'd always write me and tell me what a great guy you were. How you and he would have great discussions about things and how it was equally respectful. You were an Army buddy and brother. But now we find you didn't like him this whole time. We find you thought these insane things about him all the while. That just hurts me, personally.

It saddens me that he never once made assumptions about you for being a Liberal, yet you're willing to throw away a friendship because of your assumptions about conservatives.

That's really sad and pathetic.

side note- this was a completely personal note. I tend to charge like a bull when it comes to defending my husband

How to lose weight AND money!....

2009-09-08T09:11:00.003-04:00

Eating healthy sucks.

Is it any wonder that people who shop at Walmart are usually ginormous? Because nearly everything there is a friggin dollar!

I mean, would you rather spend 2$ on 500 liters of Coke, or 500$ on half a banana?

We all know organic is better for you (yes it is Stephen! Hush!) but who in their right mind is going to pay nearly double the cost of "regular" fruits and veggies for organic ones?

I have 2 small kids still in diapers. I don't want them crapping all over the floor in a 1 room apartment just so we can eat organically.

Ok, before you ask- no we aren't scarfing down McDonalds chased by Little Debbies.

We eat fairly healthy- we're just not as healthy as we could be, and it's all due to the fact that I believe people who work in "healthier" food companies are more money-grubbing than most.

If they really wanted people to be healthy then they wouldn't sell the food at such high costs. I'm not one of the elite few who can afford not only to eat healthy, but sit in a mansion doing so.

I'm determined to eat healthier (see last post) but not at the risk of putting my family in debt.

So I'm doing simple things- cutting out soda, cutting back on sugar, etc.

MILF training commense!

2009-09-06T21:01:00.002-04:00

My body is, to put it bluntly, pretty fucked up.

For a period in my life from just out of high school until I had kids I was battling an eating disorder.

I didn't think I was- I thought, like so many others, that if I was skinnier than you I was healthier than you.

I mean it makes sense- fat people were the ones eating nasty crap like McDonalds and wolfing down whole cakes in a single bite, right?

But the truth of the matter was that for all those years I was living off of tater tots, chocolate and soy burgers.

I felt good about myself- to the point of being a total snotty brat about it- because pants with an elastic waist were loose on me.

But my body was so out of wack it was ridiculous.

So when I got pregnant with Paul (3rd pregnancy, and the 1st that stuck) and started eating actual food (not living off of candy bars and such) my body completely flipped out.

So, here I am- Paul is nearly 3 and I've just recently bought Jillian Michael's metoblism book.

It all makes sense.

The trouble is having enough will power to stick to it. My body has lived on crap for so long that not letting into those cravings will be murder.

It's not going to be as bad as getting off heroin, I'm guessing, although you may need to tie me down to the bed so I don't dive head first into a mountain of Tootsie Rolls.

I'm still reading the book- so I'm just guessing that no chocolate is aloud. We'll see.

She couldn't be that cruel? Could she?

But I know that once I clean my body and get used to it being healthy after it not ever having been, things will change.

So I'm going to blog about my ups and downs and frustrations reaching my goal of being healthy.

Not skinny mind you- healthy.

My body as never been healthy- and at 30 years old I figured now is a good a time as any.

Tuesday night dorkery will the hardest. I mean, it's pretty much required that if you sit around a table and play D&D you have a soda in one hand and Cheetos in the other.

We shall see....

If I were dying...

2009-09-05T00:32:00.002-04:00

I tend to think about death a lot. Not that I'm morbid or some sulky brat who thinks her life sucks.

But I think a funeral can be as beautiful as a wedding.

I'm always listening to songs and debating whether or not it would be the best one for *the* song at my funeral.

So far I've narrowed my choices down to Shine On by Jet, or Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. Then again I love When I Get Where I'm Going by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton....

Anyway, back to my original thought.

I think that if I were dying from an illness I'm not sure I would tell anyone. Other than of course Stephen.

It isn't that I wouldn't appreciate the sympathy, but I'm not sure I would handle false sympathy well.

I wouldn't handle all the people who dislike me crawling out of the woodwork to suddenly be friend. As though they had to clear *their* conscience before I died.

I'm sure they would be sorry I had an illness or some such- I think most people would have a hint of compassion for that.

I guess I'd rather keep it to myself so I'd know who my real friends were, because when you're dying, everyone seems to be your friend.

But, seeing as how I'm the type of person who can't ever shut up about anything- I'd probably blog all about it.

No, I am not blogging about it right now. I don't have some illness. I'm not dying (not yet anyway).

I'll probably, hopefully, never have to write a blog like that. Hopefully I'll be blogging senile old ramblings from the nursing home (or the basement of one of my kids' houses).

There's a fine line between valuing your privacy and needing support. No matter how fake it is.

I usually want to stay on the privacy side, but the support side is glittery! How can I not run over there every now and then?

tomorrow...

2009-09-03T11:23:00.002-04:00

I have my 5th surgery. Getting my wisdom teeth pulled...

Sigh.

I've been through 4 other surgeries (3 of which were child related) so you think I wouldn't be nervous. And it's not like I need to stay over night or anything. It's a quick in and out proceedure.

And I actually like surgeries. But I stillget nervous.

Maybe I'm nervous because I'm a SAHM- I uphold the kids' schedules and... well everything pertaining to "family" life.

And for one day Stephen has to be a SAHD, and also take care of me.

Not that he can't do it. Not that he isn't willing to. He's a great husband and father- we are a parenting unit and he always has my back, and I his.

I guess it's difficult for someone like me, who likes to know everything, to be able to sit back and let some one else take control.

Time for a red convertable and a 20 year old male underwear model!

2009-09-02T09:12:00.002-04:00

Ever since Stephen and I decided not to adopt something in me clicked and I went into a sort of mid-life crisis mode.

Ok, no it's nowhere near as bad as you think.

I mean, I'm not running out on my kids (I may joke that I'm going to lock them in closets and such but those are jus jkes:)). I'm not having an affair with some kid who just got out of high school. And I'm not having ridiculous surgeries to lift and pull things. Even though all of a sudden I have lines around my eyes. Where the fuck did those come from?!

BUT- I did start to get depressed that all my life I've always assumed I would do certain things.

Adopt a child.
Travel the globe.
Get up and drive to a state I've never been to.
Visit the biggest ball of twine.
etc...

But I've always been too scared and admittedly lazy to do anything like that.

And ever since we decided not to adopt I realized I haven't done anything else I wanted to do.

Not that I can't do most of that other stuff later.

I just wish I did it back then- while the ideas were still fresh and new. When I knew I was able to.

However, I'm looking forward to travelling with Stephen after the kids are grown and Stephen is retired. The kids (and grandkids) we'll love to get postcards from us from India, Morrocco, Italy... etc.

I just need to keep these goals in mind so I'm not laying on my death bed wishing I had ore time to do what I wanted.

If nothing else...

2009-09-01T09:07:00.002-04:00

...post photos and video!

Enjoy

Because I'm a sappy housewife who loves her husband

2009-08-27T23:11:00.003-04:00

I'm sitting here in my cute, and new, little cotton dress (brown, blue and pink plaid) I bought at WalMart (ugh I know!) watching Alton Brown teach me how to slice, chop, and pare.

I've spent most of the day with either one or both of my boys.

I'm tired, and most days my back hurts and though I have several pairs and deliciously gorgeous heels I choose to wear flip-flops on a daily basis.

I'm very much a feminist (debate that if you will, but SAHM moms can most definately be feminists) but that doesn't mean I can't sing my husband's praises every now and then.

I believe in giving credit where credit is due and that a marriage should be full of respect from both people.

So here we go.

I'm very lucky. He cares for me in a way that isnt shown every day. At least it's not seen by me every day. But after a day of cleaning toddler poop off the walls it's sometimes hard to.

He kisses my hand (and occasionally grabs my boobies) when he thinks I'm sleeping. Well- I was sleeping but I wake up too easily.

He knows when I'm going from irritated to angry and lets me squeeze his hand as hard as I can to help me equilize. And sends me to my room if I need a moment to myself to collect myself.

He spends hours searching for the perfect, authentic Italian restaurant in our city to take me to. And then takes me to see Harry Potter (who's also a huge crush- mmm wizards:))

He tries to buy me the perfect present each gift giving holiday. Like my beautiful dark brown leathery "cook book." Where I can write my recipes in- my own and those from my beautiful and wonderful family. Because he understands how important food is to me as well as keeping my family and the memories of my families' kitchen close to my heart. One day I'll give it to my kids- hopefully along with my desire and joy of feeding the people I love the most.

He doesn't think I'm crazy. Ok... so he does, but he thinks my "quirks" are cute and helps me to nuetralize the super crazy.

Let's face it- I could go on for hours at all he does.

Ok, sure- he's not perfect, and I do not always look at him with batting eyelashes. And he doesn't think of me every second of the day. God no!

But I'm feeling lovey dovey and if it weren't so late I'd bake him some peanutbutter cookies....

I guess we'll just have to cuddle on the couch instead.

This one's for te children... everyone sing!....

2009-08-27T18:08:00.002-04:00

My biological clock is pounding in my ears.

Yes- I have 2 kids, the youngest one is only 10 months old.

But he's just so big! His fangs are coming in! And Paul will be celebrating his 3rd birthday in less than 4 months.

So all day I've been all emotional about kid related issues.

Thinking about an aquintance who has the ingredients to become an Andrea Yates.

Stephen and I off and on since we met have had discussions about adoption. After much thought and discussion we agreed it wouldn't be right for us and our family.

It hurts, not only for the wanting to have another baby, but because there are children who need a home. But to adopt a child to "save" him/her- all adoption sites say- is a bad idea and actually ultimately selfish. I wouldn' adopt a child for the sole purpose to save him/her because that automatically puts a rift between the adopted child and the rest of the family- I think.

It's just hard because it's something I've thought about doing ever since I was little.

But I also wanted to be Dolly Parton and we all know that'll never happen!

So, I'm emotional today but I am happy and accepting of the life and family I have now. Everything happens for a reason. :)

IMP